


A Christmas Brawl

by HomeIsWhereThePantsArent



Series: Punchline [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Creative Insults, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Christmas, Fluff, Gratuitous Christmas Jokes, Humor, M/M, Mixed Martial Arts, Rim job, Smut, Top Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:28:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 35,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28280154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomeIsWhereThePantsArent/pseuds/HomeIsWhereThePantsArent
Summary: Eren and Levi spend their first Christmas together at the Jaegers'. The Jaegers spend their Christmas haunting Levi with feelings, Yuletide rage, and familial awkwardness. Can Levi learn to socialize? Does Eren have a chill mode? Are ugly Christmas sweaters a threat to humanity? Does gingerbread jungle juice sound like a good idea?
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: Punchline [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2016104
Comments: 29
Kudos: 73





	1. Humbug

**Author's Note:**

> Jingle bells, Christmas hell  
> Emotions all the way  
> Oh what pain it is to stay  
> At the Jaegers’ Christmas Day  
> Eren’s kinda stressed,  
> His family is a mess  
> Can Levi divest  
> What’s beating in his chest? [SASAGEYO???]  
> I’m sure that he will try  
> Someone’s bound to cry  
> Kenny makes a brief appearance  
> And hopefully none will die!  
> Jingle bells, please send help  
> My plot points ran away  
> Oh what fun it is to make  
> The Yuletides Ereri gay!
> 
> (I just want to be clear, no one dies in this fic, but it’s full of dramatic personae, so they’ll probably whinge and sweat like they got the last Double Jeopardy and it’s ride or die to win)
> 
> Hey friends and fiends! If you read the note at the end of the second part of this series (Then Comes Damage) you’ll have seen that there was meant to be a oneshot for the holidays. This is that piece, but clearly I lied about it being a oneshot. Don’t worry, I also lied to myself and will give myself a stern talking to about brevity and spreading falsities on the internet. I suppose I could have posted it in one chapter, but it’s very possible you have a life beyond the computer screen and natural breaks may encourage you to do life things, like eat, sleep, and ponder whether one of your socks it slightly stretched to better fit one foot over the other simply because it’s been on that foot more times.
> 
> If you haven’t read the earlier parts of the series, heeeeeey. You’re probably okay. A couple jokes won’t land, but that’s bound to happen anyways.

Levi exhaled and his opponent went hazy as his breath billowed in the cold. He wasn’t sure if it was still the day he had woken up on or if the clock’s hands had passed into the early hours of the next day.

They both had their hands raised and wore the red marks of skin-to-skin contact on their bodies. Levi felt a drop of sweat slip down his spine, creating a snail trail that the mild winter weather would illuminate with her frigid breath.

“C’mon, fucker,” Levi muttered to himself.

The other guy lunged. Levi ate a punch to his ear, but got an uppercut in that unsteadied the other guy. All that was left to do was sweep the leg and hold him down. Levi had the guy in a choke before they hit the frozen grass of some asshole’s backyard. And of course, tough guy’s dick was too big to tap out, so he got some sleep via Levi’s biceps.

The onlookers hooted and pumped their fists. Levi was eight inches shorter and probably 30 pounds lighter than tough guy, now known as Mr. Sandman drooling on the frost covered ground.

Some asshole thought he was the ref, of which there was none in a backyard fight, and held Levi’s fist up. Levi swiped it away, but nobody really noticed his lack of excitement over winning. He collected his meager spoils and went to find his shirt and jacket. The other guys watching the fight were too busy snapping pictures of Mr. Sandman to notice a wiry, old bastard leaning over the fence, smirking.

Said wiry, old bastard let out a whistle so sharp, the pitbulls and rottweilers of the neighbouring houses two blocks away perked their ears. “Everybody scram. The pigs are on their way.”

And scram they did, except for Mr. Sandman, slowly thawing the ground with his half-naked body. And Levi. Levi stayed because he doubted very much so that Kenny had called the cops on him.

Levi picked his shirt off the paint-chipped picnic table and walked over to his uncle. “You followed me.”

Kenny straightened up. “Well, I was young and stupid once. That and I figured if I watched over you, I just might finally get my wings. With that last punch you ate, you must have heard bells ringing.”

Levi tugged his shirt on. “Fuck.”

He must be cut because there was blood on his shirt. _Disgusting_. Kenny pointed at his left brow and Levi tentatively felt above his eye. When he saw his own blood on his fingertips, his lip curled. He fought the urge to take his shirt back off and walk home half-naked. Mild disgust was marginally better than hypothermia.

“Your guard’s no good and your punches are shit. That’s why you’re bleeding.” Kenny said as they walked out of the yard and down the street. The Underground was quiet at 12:25 am on a winter’s very early morning. Some houses had strings of lights shining merrily, but most probably could barely afford to keep their furnaces running.

“Want to give me pointers on how to correct my shit performance?” Levi asked flatly.

“I’ve tried doing that, kiddo, but you just don’t seem to be much of a striker.” Kenny shoved his hands into his pockets. 

“Maybe that Erwin guy’s finally got his dojo under way,” Levi muttered as he shrugged his jacket on.

Kenny let out a bark of laughter. “That hardass cop with the beefy eyebrows? I dunno, kiddo. You might be better sticking to backyard brawls to learn how real men fight.”

The sudden wail of a police siren wiped the smile off Kenny’s face. “Shit, run, Levi!”

“Did you actually call the cops on us?” Levi barked.

“Like fucking hell I did. I have some self-preservation skills.”

They both sprinted, but between Levi recently knuckling it out and Kenny being old and liking drink more than cardio, neither of them looked too graceful as they hopped a fence and landed face first on top of one another on the other side. Levi was _livid_ . Kenny’s damn elbow had come crashing down on the back of his head, but that wasn’t what really pissed him off. Kenny had slammed Levi’s mouth into the ground. He could _feel_ a strand of frozen grass between his front teeth.

The cop car pulled up along the chain link fence and parked with its lights still flashing. Levi stood up, his fists clenched defiantly. He was just made to eat dirt. This cop was about to open a fresh can of resisting arrest.

“Levi,” Kenny groaned, batting in his general direction.

The bulking figure of Erwin stepped out of the car. “I see my suspicions of you being involved in an illegal fight club less than three blocks from your house were correct.”

“Gods fucking gods.” Kenny groaned one last time for good measure before sitting up. “Of course it’s you.”

Erwin took out his flashlight and shone it on Levi’s snarling face. “Hello, Levi.”

“ _Asshole_ ,” Levi seethed.

Erwin pointed at his mouth. “You have a piece of something in your teeth.”

Erwin was about to get a piece of something in his mouth.

Kenny got familiar with the cold ground and asked, “What the hell were you thinking running us down like that?”

“I am sorry for scaring you, but I didn’t want any of the other fighters around when I caught up with you guys.” Erwin rolled his great shoulders in a shrug. “It’s not very professional of me to chat while on duty, even less so if I don’t issue you any fines.”

“That so?” Kenny tipped his hat.

Erwin was about to explain what was so when the front door to the house behind them banged open and a middle-aged woman in a feathery housecoat came out. “Something the matter, officer? What are these boys doing on my lawn?”

“‘Boys’?” Kenny barked, suddenly finding the energy to spring to his feet. “Lady, I am a man.”

She eyed him up and down in a way that would take more Clorox than even Levi had stockpiled to scrub from his mind. “I can see that now, hun.”

Erwin cleared his throat, “Sorry to wake you, ma’am. I was just about to collect these two gentlemen from your property.”

She put a hand on her hip. “Why? What’s their crime?”

Erwin was quite clever, but he was also very honest. Erwin had already said he didn’t want an audience and hadn’t thought up a lie, which made his response time one second slower than Levi’s bursting rage.

“Public urination,” Levi said while simultaneously pointing at his uncle. “He was going to take a shit in your garden.”

“You little…” Kenny muttered

The lady, much to Levi’s surprise and disgust, merely shrugged. “I’ve had less attractive men do worse inside my house.”

“You don’t say,” Kenny said in a huskier voice than usual.

Before the conversation could get any more disturbing, Erwin said with finality, “I am sorry to disturb you, ma’am. Gentlemen, seeing as this is your first offence of this nature, I’ll escort you home.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. Ultimately, he spat the grass from his mouth, hopped the fence with determined grace, and quietly got into the back of Erwin’s cruiser. Kenny took his sweet time walking to the gate in the fence, exchanging lewd looks with the lady, before making a big show of just how far he had to bend to get his considerable height in the car. Erwin ignored the Ackermans’ bad behaviour and tipped his hat. “Sorry again, ma’am. And a merry Christmas to you.”

Erwin turned the lights on top of the car off as he pulled away and headed in the direction of Kenny’s house.

Kenny ground his knuckles into Levi’s ribs. “Shitting myself? Are you goddamn kidding me? I’ll remember that for when you get your first girlfriend.”

“Fuck you. There’s more important things than you banging some cougar on Christmas,” Levi spat.

“ _Cougar?_ She looked barely over 30. Gods, teenagers have a distorted sense of age.” Kenny prodded Levi again, who launched his own counter attack, but Kenny seemed prepared for that. He easily snatched up Levi’s wrist, twisting it into a joint lock. “You sure as shit didn’t put anything for me under the Christmas tree. You could let me have one night of fun.”

“We don’t have a Christmas tree,” Levi bit out between his teeth as he tried to wriggle free. “If we did, the only thing on it would be your blue balls.”

“You little shit.”

“Could I say something?” Erwin asked, looking at them in his rearview mirror.

Levi wondered where he and his uncle rated on Erwin’s scale of weird things to happen in the backseat of his cruiser.

“Why the fuck not?” Kenny said, releasing Levi.

“I wanted to let you know that I’ve secured a place to open my dojo.” Erwin looked in the rearview mirror to get a glimpse of Levi’s foul face. “In another month, I’ll be able to officially open my doors. I wondered if you had given any further thought to what you want to do with your life.”

“I don’t have the money,” Levi said.

“You wouldn’t have to pay.”

“So I would be a charity case?”

Erwin glanced briefly in his rearview mirror before focusing on making a left turn. “I believe, in time, our relationship would be mutually beneficial. I’ve heard from officials at martial arts tournaments that you’re very talented.” 

Levi snorted. “I haven’t done tournaments since I was a kid.”

“Then I can only imagine what you would be like now that you’re an adult.”

That caught Levi’s attention. He looked up as Erwin slowed the car to a stop in front of Kenny’s house. “Happy 18th birthday, Levi.”

  
  


***

At first, Eren wasn’t sure how to broach the subject. He had left it to the last minute out of fear of what each side would say. Eren loved his parents, but they had gone through some tough times recently, namely ones that involved Eren’s half-brother punching a fist between his parents and sending them all flying in directions that not even a pinball wizard could divine.

Levi’s roommate, Furlan, had let Eren into the house. After some pleasantries, Eren descended the stairs to Levi’s basement bedroom. He happened upon Levi doing push-ups. Eren would choose family each time, but if Levi said no, Eren’s heart would falter ever so slightly at the sight of his boyfriend’s naked torso.

Levi stopped exercising when Eren’s socked feet hit the concrete. He said, “Hey. You wanted to talk?”

Eren wanted many things. He wanted to graduate college. He wanted his car to run on a renewable fuel that wouldn’t slowly eat the planet alive. He wanted women to feel safe walking at night and people of all genders to be recognized and loved. He wanted to roll Levi over and mouth his way from nape to south-navel. He swallowed hard. “Yeah, it’s about the Christmas holidays.”

Levi grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat first from his forehead and neck. “Oh, okay.”

Eren opened his mouth and shut it again. “Wait. What did you think it would be about?”

Levi sat on his heels and tossed his head, mulling the question over. “I thought you were coming over to break up with me.”

Eren would have said no immediately, but his jaw had dropped clean off his face and lay with his stomach somewhere on the floor.

“Considering you look like you just shit yourself, I guess I was wrong,” Levi said, standing up. Eren stared at the ground. Levi, already nearly a head shorter than him, bent low to look him straight in the eyes. “‘Can we talk’ usually translates to ‘goodbye’ right?”

“No. Well, yes, it can mean we’re through, but no. Not this time. Not ever, I hope.” Leave it to Levi to find a way to make _this_ harder.

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Levi pinched Eren’s nose and smiled, but it slipped off his lips when Eren continued to stare at the floor like the gods had written his fate on the cold concrete. “What is it, Eren?”

Eren let a slow breath out. Of the two of them, Levi was the one on the ropes. He didn’t know what Eren had stopped by for and he only had Eren’s fragile constitution to go by.

Eren opened his arms and Levi, with a look that said murder if tricked, hugged him back. Eren was willing to bet the last of his sanity that Levi was thinking Eren was gross for wanting to hold him while sweaty. 

Eventually, Levi prodded Eren’s ribs. “Okay, what is it, brat?”

Eren swallowed. “My parents want you and me to spend Christmas with them. At their house. 24 plus hours.”

“Oh,” Levi said and with a great exhale, “ _fuck_.”

***

As of Christmas Day, which also happened to be Levi’s birthday, they would have been dating for one month. Not a long time, but enough time to get a feel for the relationship, and the feelings said long haul. Levi didn’t hate the idea of meeting Eren’s family. Technically, he had met Eren’s half-brother, Zeke. He’d also painted the floor of the octagon with his blood. At least with Zeke, Levi knew where he stood. Levi didn’t think he could do that with Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger. Well, he could probably take on two middle-aged adults whose main skills involved healing people and baking pies, but he didn’t think he should throw down with them to show his worth. 

What would they think of him? They had raised Eren, so he doubted they would look at Levi like a criminal just because he grew up in The Underground, though the most fragile parts of his ego still worried about this. The Jaegers were probably good people and would at least pretend to care about Levi. And he would have Eren who almost overwhelmingly loved him. But Eren...he had had quite a year with all the drama in his family, and Zeke, the bastard, actually sent Eren to hospital.

Levi wanted Eren to relax over the holidays and not play the suffering architect to the building of Levi’s relationship with Eren’s parents. How could Levi get Eren to chill? He looked up at Eren as they sat on one of Levi’s recently-wiped down workout maps, talking things over. Eren had a hand in his hair and was tugging at the roots as he stared murder at Levi’s dumb bells. Right, Eren didn’t have a chill mode. 

Levi took Eren’s hand from his scalp before he went bald and proposed they set some ground rules and plan how the few days would go. A sort of rope in the dark that they could cling to to navigate the twisting tunnels of familial relationships. Eren nodded. Planning made things manageable. Manageable meant Eren didn’t have an emotional crisis at the Christmas dinner table.

The plan was as follows: They would visit Levi’s mother Christmas Eve because she would be working the graveyard shift into Christmas morning. They would then go to Eren’s parents’ place and spend most of Christmas with them. Christmas evening, they had already made plans with friends to celebrate Levi’s birthday, which would give them a reason to leave Eren’s parents’ place for the night. Showing Eren Levi’s phone’s calendar for the 24th and 25th calmed Eren a bit. Really, it was only about 12 hours of empty slots over two days where they would be doing Jaeger-centric activities.

As for rules, they would not buy gifts for one another as Levi was saving up for his own place and Eren had school to pay for. Eren mentioned, eyes looking at his crossed legs, that his parents had already gotten Levi a gift, but hastily added that they wanted nothing in return and it would be more rude to decline it. Levi _tch_ ed. Okay, no gifts but they would prepare a meal for everyone then and Levi would ask his mother for a recipe he thought she had made him long ago. Eren agreed and oddly proposed that they remain a single unit while at the Jaegers’. Levi didn’t quite get why Eren was adamant about them sticking together and when asked, Eren said he couldn’t explain it well, but that essentially his parents would be less likely to ask him personal questions if Eren was there to check them. And, finally, no ugly Christmas sweaters. Eren ran hot and Levi hated anything that wasn’t clean and organized, so sweaters would be a pain for both of them. 

Eren had nodded stiffly at their Christmas schemes and reached out a hand to shake in agreement. Levi grabbed the hand offered and tugged Eren forward to grind his knuckles into his scalp before kissing him deeply. They had an agreement then.

***

After Levi prodded Eren’s behind as they went up the stairs, and kissed him goodbye at the door, and zig zagged through several boxes (why were there so many goddamn boxes?) to get to the living room window to wave a final goodbye as Eren drove off, Levi stood for a moment. He probably looked like he was considering the squirrel in the front yard as it gnawed on a pizza crust. He wasn’t. Well, he was wondering a bit whether squirrels should eat cheap Italian food, but it wasn’t the main thing he was mulling over. He had a _feeling_.

“Furlan? Isabel?” Levi called down the hall.

Isabel sashayed down the hallway from her bedroom, while Furlan poked his head out and called back, “What?”

“Come here for a second,” Levi said.

“Is it about the boxes?”

“No, but it’s easier than yelling down the hallway at you, dickhead.” 

Furlan narrowed his eyes, but slid off the wall and walked to the couch in the living to sit with Isabel.

Levi stepped around the boxes to meet them at the couch. He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. “Why are there so many boxes though?”

“They’re mine!” Isabel said proudly.”

Levi tried not to let dread fill his eyes. “What’s with them? You aren’t going to build a damn cardboard castle, right?”

“I wasn’t but that’s a good idea.” Isabel popped off the couch. She whipped out an exacto knife, though where it came from would remain a mystery for both men, and opened a box. She pulled out a hoodie and Levi felt his stomach fall out of him and burst like a water balloon at his feet.

“What the fuck is that?” He asked.

Furlan had his knuckles in his mouth and was quivering with suppressed laughter.

“It’s your merch,” Isabel jabbered. The hoodie had _Humanity’s Strongest Fan_ splashed across the front of it. “There are three different designs. My favourite is this one inspired by your match with Zeke. I drew him as a gorilla, but I drew him as an albino one so no one will think it’s racist.”

Indeed, there was a caricature of Levi ground and pounding a blond King Kong. Isabel might have to worry about PETA saying something. Levi’s cheeks could fry eggs. It was well drawn, but so embarrassing.

“What do you think?” Isabel asked.

Before Levi could serve her a piping hot portion of his mind, Furlan said in a reprimanding tone, “She drew and designed each design, Levi. She mainly worked through her lunches and it took her _hours_.”

Isabel’s smile was already going soggy with Levi’s tepid reception. He checked himself. “They’re really well-designed. I like the way you drew Zeke’s eyes. You really captured his maniacal rage. But, why did you get so many made?” Levi looked at the dozen or so boxes crowding the window. “It’ll look like we’re moving for the next whole year.

“Not so!” Isabel said, bouncing back. She pointed at Furlan. “Furlan set up a site and we sold out within 24 hours.”

Levi turned to Furlan. “Really?”

Furlan tilted his head. “Really.”

Levi was, actually he wasn’t sure how he felt. Somewhere between traumatized and touched. “That’s...nice of you guys. You’re keeping the profits, by the way.”

“Aww, no. We couldn’t, big brother,” Isabel said.

“Yes, you are. I don’t want any part of it. Anyway,” Levi took back the reins of the hell-bound sled. “I wanted to ask you if you remembered a couple years ago when we were on lunch break and Isabel kept feeding the damn dumpster animals?”

“Levi,” Isabel laughed, “I still feed the dumpster animals.”

“Right, but this was a specific time when I was bitching you out about not keeping food in your pockets because it’s really hard for our shitty laundry machine to washout. You said you wanted to stuff your pockets so that the animals would associate your scent with food.”

Isabel thought about this. “Hm. You bitch me out a lot. I’m not sure…”

Levi offered, “Furlan ended up dumpster diving.”

Levi could see the moment the connection was made in her brain and how it sparked immediate joy. “Oh, yeah. That was _hilarious_.”

“No, it fucking wasn’t,” Furlan snapped. “Apart from the threat of rabies, my overalls reeked for weeks. You think peanut butter and mustard is hard on our laundry machine, try dumpster sludge.”

“You were so pissed.” Isabel snickered into her hands. “You locked me out of the house until Levi took pity on me and let me sleep in the basement with him.”

“Do you still have it?” Levi asked Furlan.

Furlan raised a brow. “Have what?”

“You know what.” When Furlan crossed his arms and didn’t budge, Levi added, “I know you found it. You just didn’t tell Isabel because you were angry.”

Isabel stopped laughing. “Wait, you have Freduardo?”

Furlan stared hard at Levi. He could see the fine wires of Furlan’s brain connecting. Much like his dumpster dive years ago, Furlan would go fishing for the truth, only this time he would enjoy his sifting and Levi would be the one squirming. “If I did still have it—”

“Freduardo,” Isabel corrected.

“If I did still have Freduardo, why would you want him?”

“As a backup.”

“A backup?” Furlan looked puzzled.

Levi hesitated. He hadn’t expected his heart to be working this much overtime. Why was he nervous? Maybe it wasn’t nervousness. Maybe, as per usual, it was just the thought of Eren. Although Furlan having him on the ropes was something new. Usually Levi was the one making him squirm. Eventually, he said, “Eren and I set some ground rules for the holiday and I’m concerned he might break one of them. I want to be prepared in case that happens.”

Isabel crawled over Furlan to get closer to Levi. Furlan said through his teeth, “ _Careful_. Don’t knee my balls.”

Isabel asked, “Oh, what are the rules?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” Levi said. “No presents, no ugly sweaters, no fucking in front of the turkey.”

Furlan said with a deadpan, “Oh boy, I wonder which one of those Eren wants to break the most.”

“Do you have it—Freduardo, asshole?” Levi asked, holding out his hand. As an afterthought, he asked them, “And do either of you care if he has it?”

“Oh, so we do get a say in what goes on in this house?” Furlan shook his head. “You’re goddamn lucky we like Eren more than you. And that I’m thrifty.”

“I’d call it more spiteful,” Isabel laughed. Before Furlan could clapback, she laid across his lap and singsonged, “Careful or I just might crush your balls.”

Levi thought Furlan might push her off the couch, but Christmas had already started its miracle work. Instead of dropping her, he blushed and turned his head away from the both of them.

Levi raised a brow. “You into cock and ball torture, Furlan?”

“Levi, Isabel,” Furlan said, closing his eyes, “get fucked.”

Levi nodded. “I’ll get right on that. Before I do though, Isabel,” Levi was already regretting asking this, but he didn’t think he could do a decent job on his own, “how would you feel about helping me with one other art project?”

  
  


***

When Eren and Levi visited Kuchel Christmas Eve, there were fewer tears than the last couple visits. The initial visit was the hardest, with everyone fighting back their emotions with tissues, hands, gritted teeth, and sheer fucking willpower. But Levi and his estranged mother built a creaky bridge that would hopefully become a well-travelled route. 

Their second meeting was no less emotional, but the flavour of the emotions had been spicier. Levi had attempted to gift his mother some of his winnings from his fight with Zeke, and both Eren and Levi learned exactly where Levi had gotten his temper and stubbornness from. Even Kenny had recommended they back down from this venture. Eren had been nervous about Levi possibly feeling rejected by his mother, but he seemed more confounded that she wouldn’t do the logical thing to help her get ahead in life.

After the second meeting, Eren and Levi had laid in Eren’s bed with Eren resting his head on Levi. Eren remembered Levi’s chest had felt less like a calm ocean and more like a kiddie pool at a crowded splash park.

“You think it’s pride?” Levi had asked. “You think she won’t take my money because I’m her kid?”

Eren said ever so hesitantly, “I think you should ask her why.” He paused and then added, “But I think it’s more complicated than you being her son.”

Levi made a stress ball out of Eren’s head, raking his fingers through his hair. Eren had no complaints, but there would be times when Eren needed his head elsewhere in the world. Perhaps, after a year or so of dating, they could adopt a cat. They were independent, self-cleaning animals, and some of them would be content to let Levi stroke them when Eren’s hair wasn’t available.

“Could you take a guess as to why?” Levi asked. “I just don’t get it. She still lives in a shit part of town and wants to eventually move. She can’t make that much working as a waitress. What’s the goddamn issue?”

“Well, what would you say if she offered you money?” Eren asked.

“I wouldn’t fucking take it.” Levi’s grip tightened in Eren’s hair, but he loosened it swiftly. “Sorry, Eren.”

“It’s okay. Hot even. As a side note, I’m thinking of growing my hair out.”

Levi said, “Now _that_ would be fucking hot.”

Before they got too frisky thinking about what Levi could do with longer hair, Eren asked, “Why wouldn’t you take her money?” 

“Because she doesn’t have much of it. I have more.”

Dang. Levi was using logic, something that Eren wasn’t always on good terms with. But maybe that was actually it. “So, logically it makes sense for her to take it, but she’s not. So, it can’t be a logical reason.”

“Wow, Sherlock, how do you fit all your brains in your skull?”

“Well, one of us has to do the thinking and you didn’t seem up to the task right—”

Levi put him in one of his headlocks. Levi probably wasn’t using even half his strength, but Eren couldn’t bust free. Eren felt pity for any opponent Levi had that had felt the constrictors he passed off as his arms. Only fear of gravity being her assholic self by dropping them off the bed spared Eren from further pain. That and Levi must have decided the only thing better than making Eren suffer was kissing him.

Levi leaned over him and Eren pecked him back before gently pushing him away. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Levi said back.

“You still want my opinion?”

“Always.”

Eren traced Levi’s cheekbone with his thumb. “I think, maybe, she feels guilty. Like she doesn’t deserve anything from you because she didn’t give you much as your mother. Are you—sorry, I shouldn’t have presumed—OOF”

Levi flopped on top of Eren like a human anxiety blanket, but without the horror of actually being a blanket made from human.

“You’re right,” Levi muttered next to Eren’s ear. “Probably.”

Eren stroked Levi’s back. “Hey.”

Levi sighed. “Hey.”

Eren remembered his heart had not so much skipped a beat, but constricted for a moment before bursting forth, bubbling up his throat and running out his mouth. “I love you.”

Eren recalled those moments from a couple weeks ago as Kuchel opened the door. Seeing Levi’s mother snapped Eren’s attention back and knotted up his tongue. She looked better and brighter than before. Her hair was done up in a simple bun and she wore the lightest touch of makeup to smooth out her skin. She looked so much like Levi, especially when she bent her head and the shorter layers of her hair crept forward to frame her face. 

“Kuchel, you said you remembered the recipe?” Levi asked as they entered the apartment with several bags of groceries in hand.

Eren knew Levi wasn't trying to be unkind by not calling her mom. Levi had explained that it felt odd to call her or anyone mom since the last time he had was almost two decades ago.

Kuchel was certainly Levi’s mom because she hid her hurt well and Eren might not have noticed her sadness if he hadn’t seen Levi do the same blink to clear away any emotion from his face. They both had that defence mechanism where they kept their emotions on a short leash to keep them from running into traffic. Maybe it kept their hearts from becoming roadkill, but it broke Eren’s a bit to see them deny themselves the freedom to run around like slobbering idiots.

“Yes, I wrote it down too. It looks like you got all the ingredients, if you have the time to run through it with me.”

Levi said, “Don’t you have a shift tonight? Do you really want to be on your feet cooking before serving truckers until 7:00 am?”

Kuchel smiled. No, she smirked. “I’ve stood in harder places in worse weather wearing taller shoes.”

Levi laughed his closed-mouth laugh. “Then let’s fucking do this. Eren, grab an apron.”

Eren did suit up, but he hung back for the most part. In one particular way, Eren wished he wasn’t there. For the first time, Kuchel and Levi were getting along naturally. No tears, no fighting, no greasy guilt coating their words. Eren didn’t want to get in the way or draw focus away from them being family again. Even now, Levi kept looking over at him when he should be focusing on Kuchel’s smile. Really, Eren was content to cut zucchini in his own corner of the kitchen. 

Kuchel pinched his ear. “Slacking off, Eren?”

“Uh.”

She dragged him over to the stove where Levi was stirring a sauce. Levi looked up at them as Kuchel forced a spatula in Eren’s hand. She stood next to him and that’s when Eren noticed her eyes were brimming. She smiled as she showed him how to stir without splashing, a feat Eren didn’t know was possible. Levi made room for them, but stayed close enough to slip an arm across Eren’s back. Eren was finding his own eyes were starting to sting a bit too and it wasn’t the onions. Kuchel rested her hand on Eren’s shoulder. No one said a word. Eren thought he understood, but he wasn’t sure he agreed. Kuchel resting her head on him and Levi thumbing his side seemed to be saying they were grateful to him and that they wouldn’t be here without him.

Eren discreetly (gods help him for once to not make a circus out of his emotions) wiped at his eyes. _C’mon, idiot. This is about them, not you. That and you’ll ruin the sauce if you snot into it._ He was aware Levi was watching him, but he didn’t say anything. Levi just moved closer and ran his hand up and down Eren’s spine.

***

After feasting with Kuchel, they made their way to the Jaegers’ abode. By the time they parked the car in Eren’s parents’ driveway, it was shortly after 9:00 pm. They both sat staring at the light of the front porch, considering their mortality.

“I’ll get the suitcases and you get the door,” Levi eventually said, unclipping his seatbelt. 

Eren nodded. Normally, Eren would insist on being a gentleman or, as Levi called it, an idiot by carrying as much as he could for them, but they had a _plan_. Levi was nervous about meeting Eren’s parents. Eren was nervous about Levi meeting his parents. Anyone would be nervous about meeting their partner’s parents for the first time, but they were especially so because Levi hadn’t had any practice in parent management before. All Levi had practice with was Kenny and when Eren asked Levi how he negotiated with Kenny, Levi said they usually insulted each other until they ran out of venom or took things to the mat and whoever tapped out first won the argument. Both strategies had worked well for Kenny until Levi learned a larger vocabulary and Kenny got older. Eren didn’t think either of those strategies ought to be employed on his parents and Levi agreed.

As he walked up the drive, Eren was reminded of his first pet fish. The man at the pet store had said not to dump the fish in the tank immediately and to set the bag in the tank for a bit to let it adjust to its new habitat. Eren thought keeping the fish in the little plastic baggie was cruel. The fish might have a brain the size of a grain of rice, but he surely could see the water beyond his plastic bubble. No, Eren’s fish wouldn’t live like cattle, locked in a cellophane prison, even for a second. Eren had dumped the fish in immediately and it had gone belly up before he’d had a chance to name it.

Eren didn’t want to see Levi go belly up, so they would go slow and acclimatize him. Eren would distract his parents, they would see Levi come in, say a quick hello and exchange names, but Levi’s hands would be full of heavy bags. His parents would have to excuse them to Eren’s room where they could let Levi adjust before dumping him into the rest of the house. Eren could make this work. He _had_ to make this work. If he didn’t, the springs of his mind might burst out his ears.

Eren was halfway up the slippery drive and Levi was just shutting the trunk when the front door opened and light spilled over them. Eren’s parents came out, wrapped in sweaters and slippers.

“Welcome home.” His mother wrapped her arms around him briefly before continuing on towards Levi. _Oh shit_.

“Eren, why are you making Levi carry everything?” His father chided, taking a bag from Levi’s hand and then shaking Levi’s hand. Levi stood there, just letting Grisha tug on his arm. “I thought we raised you better than that.”

“Dad, he just happened to—” Eren started back down the drive, almost eating shit on the ice. Grisha pushed the duffel bag into Eren’s hands and took the other bag from Levi, who was still just standing there. Carla put her arm around Levi. Even in the half-light, Eren could see his shoulders were taut. She herded him towards the door.

“I’m sorry about Eren’s manners. We may have spoiled him a bit growing up.” She smiled.

“Ignorance is never an excuse,” Grisha said. “Just because Levi is the first person you’ve brought home doesn’t give you a free pass.”

Levi raised a brow and Eren blushed as he read what Levi was thinking: _So, Eren gets his bleeding heart from his father_. He wasn’t wrong.

“Grisha, lay off him,” Carla snapped back. “It’s _fucking_ Christmas.”

Levi wore the smallest of smirks. _And his temperament from his mother_. Eren blushed deeper.

***

Once inside, Eren tried an overt tactical manoeuvre by excusing himself and Levi to put their bags away in his room, but Carla had already launched a counter attack.

“Grisha, give me that. Eren and I will go turn down the sheets for them,” she said, taking the bag from Grisha and dragging Eren by the hood of his jacket up the stairs. Eren outstretched a desperate hand, reaching for Levi as he swallowed into the house. Levi stared back at him, not a ripple of emotion on his face. He thought he heard Eren’s mom mention something about dusting, but it was hard to hear over the tidal waves of blood being pushed through his ears by his rabbit heart. Okay, he was nervous for himself and not just for Eren’s shaken pop-can heart. He hoped Carla could get Eren to relax, but he was getting the impression that none of the Jaegers understood words like tranquil or sane.

“Levi, this way, son,” Grisha said, leading him further into the house.

Levi took one last look up the stairs. Divide and conquer. A classic technique. They never even stood a chance. 

Levi followed Grisha into the living room. He thought at first that they had walked into a Hallmark Christmas movie set. A red-brick fireplace crackled away, an evergreen tree was decorated with a symmetry that Levi could appreciate, and a bar cart laden with cookies and candy canes was between two chairs in front of the hearth.

Grisha pressed a glass of nog into his hand. Levi gave it a sniff. There was a Kenny-dose of rum in it. Getting lit with Mr. Jaeger hadn’t been part of the plan, but it was now.

Grisha gasped. “Sorry, I should have asked whether you drink, and not just assumed. I didn’t hang your jacket up either. No wonder Eren’s so thoughtless.”

“I drink,” Levi said, “and I’m still fairly cool, so I’d prefer to keep my coat on anyway.”

He had heard that parents, fathers in particular, would often size up their children’s partners. Perhaps, if the partner in question was a bit of a punk, even assert dominance. Grisha looked a bit like Zeke, but had none of his muscle mass or maniacal charm. If he had to, Levi could totally take him. Levi drank deep to derail his train of thought. His first instinct should not be to choke out his boyfriend’s father. Levi knew words. He could use words.

Grisha pointed him towards the chair closest to the fire and then sat in the chair next to him with his own glass. Levi kept drinking because he didn’t know what to say. He would let Grisha take the lead. If Grisha wanted to grill him to ensure his intentions were pure or chastise him for any trouble Levi had caused his son, then Levi would suck it up quicker than his very rummy drink. He owed Eren that much plus interest.

“Eren’s told us some things about you,” Grisha said, “but he hasn’t been as open lately.”

“What do you want to know?” It wasn’t just the nog that made his words sound thick. What had Eren told his parents about him? That Levi swore like a trucker in heavy traffic? That he had once made Eren cry because he was emotionally immature and prone to fits of rage? That McDeiter’s ice cream machines were more functional than his broken family? Levi couldn’t think of anything other than the pounding he had given Zeke in his last fight that he could be proud of, and he doubted Grisha would be thrilled about that.

Grisha shrugged. “Nothing in particular. We just want to know you, Levi. You’re important to Eren and, by proxy, important to us.”

Isabel and Furlan were always telling him to market himself better, but he couldn’t ask them to design a sweater that would make him more likeable to parents. His hardcore fans liked him because of his skill, but his antisocial attitude and height often turned casual observers off. He tried to think of his best accomplishments and speak to those, without mentioning that he had once bloodied one of Grisha’s children’s faces. “I got my black belt in jiu-jitsu in my late teens from my uncle’s dojo. He raised me, actually. And next year I'll have my second black belt in karate from Erwin’s dojo. That's the one Eren and I met at.”

Grisha nodded. “Eren did mention your martial art skill. And I saw it myself. I watched some of your matches. I think if you went for the title, you’d get it. But as a doctor, I fear for your joints and brain.”

“I don’t plan on fighting for the long term.” Levi hoped he hadn’t seen his bout with Zeke. He stared into the fire. He actually hadn’t ever sat in front of a real fireplace before. It was mesmerizing and warming him even more than the alcohol. Had Eren spent Christmas Eves like this? The thought of him laughing in front of the fire with his father relaxed Levi. He hoped he would get to see that version of Eren this holiday season.

“It’s one of the fewer sports where being a bit older and more experienced can actually be a boon, eh?” Grisha said, also watching the flames. “Not like, say figure skating, where you’re old by your mid-twenties. Did Eren ever mention he took figure skating?”

Levi laughed into his drink. “Yeah, but he didn’t do it for long because he almost sliced his own fingers off.” 

Levi remembered running a finger over one of Eren’s many faded scars as he pressed Eren’s hand into the bed, his back arching as Levi ran his teeth over his nipple. Levi took another drink. Now was not the time to think about fucking Grisha’s son.

“Nine stitches,” Grisha hummed. “I was too shaken to patch him up. It wouldn’t have taken me long and we could have spared him the drive to the hospital. Eren’s always been boisterous. I thought he would scream at me, ask why I couldn’t just fix him then and there, but he didn’t. Well, he did scream at me for taking him out of the lesson. He was bleeding all over the ice and making the other kids cry. The instructor actually threw up.”

Levi shrugged. He’d been training so much that he hadn’t allowed himself alcohol for about two months now. It was unwinding his tension and lowering his guard. “Eren’s pretty simple. He probably just saw you as his father and not a doctor.”

Grisha bowed his head. The light from the fire reflected off his glasses. Maybe Levi shouldn’t have called Eren simple. Even if Eren had told Grisha that Levi could be a mirthless bastard, it was shitty form to talk about Eren like that without him being here to tease Levi back about his height.

“Does he still think like that?” Grisha asked quietly.

“Simple was a poor choice of words. I meant he’s very black and white. On and off, y’know.”

“I meant…sorry, I shouldn’t corner you like this, but I can’t bring myself to actually ask him.” Grisha turned and his eyes looked watery. Levi froze with a mouthful of rummy nog burning his tongue. “Do you know if Eren hates me still?”

And Levi was instantly sober again.

“Zeke showing up—no, me _hiding_ my knowledge of Zeke really fractured our family. Carla has only just agreed to give us another go and it’s more than I deserve. I knew about Zeke for six years and didn’t say anything. I knew he was violent. I knew he had run-ins with the law.” 

Yeah, Levi knew about that too since he had been laying on the convenience store floor when Zeke and his friends pulled a gun on the cashier. Levi didn’t know if Grisha knew that though and, even though Levi would rather get punched in the head than make nice with Zeke, he wasn’t about to rat the guy out. His two main interactions with Zeke probably weren’t indicative of his whole personality. Gods, Levi hoped he had more going for him than rage and violence.

Grisha rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “I shouldn’t hope for more, but I am. Even after Zeke hurt Eren, I still want Eren to forgive me.”

Grisha probably couldn’t see how his words, falling so clumsily from his mouth, had shot right into Levi’s core. Fuck, if Levi didn’t think the same damn thing. Almost three months ago, Levi and Eren had a fight that resulted in Furlan chasing Eren down while wearing Isabel’s crocs. Levi had been the aggressor and let his emotions, particularly the ragey ones, and his insecurities cattle prod Eren from his life. If Eren hadn’t reached out first Levi probably would never have said another word to him out of embarrassment and not knowing how to reconcile without grappling or punching. 

Levi hadn’t thought and couldn’t have brought himself to hope that he and Eren would even be on friendly terms again. But a couple weeks after talking, Levi found himself calling Eren. He had felt like he’d just had a training session with Kenny. His heart pounded, his mouth was parched, and his legs kept shaking as Isabel watched him pace their living room. At first he expected Eren to not pick up and not because he hated Levi. Who the hell used their phone to take calls these days? When he did pick up, Levi didn’t have an ounce of spit to help him get the words out. Speaking to Eren, telling him how he felt, asking him out, it all felt like a choke in one of the most important fights of his life, and not one done by an expert where he would be asleep in seconds. One where reality got smudged due to the lack of blood, but the world wouldn’t fade to peaceful black. Levi would have hung up if Isabel wasn’t there, pulling on her pigtails as she watched him pace. Levi didn’t ask people out. He asked them to bed because sex was a good way to relax and feel in control. But he somewhat lied to himself that he wouldn’t have the time for Eren. To a certain extent he didn’t have the time, but he also feared what sharing his life would mean.

Levi almost didn’t hear Eren enthusiastically respond over the buzzsaw hum of his own anxieties. Even if he had heard him properly, Eren was so zealous his words came out in a puddle. Isabel seemed to know Eren agreed before Levi said anything as she quietly clapped. He wished he had asked what on his face gave it away. He didn’t like broadcasting intent, be he in a fight or conversation with a friend. Whatever tell she had seen, he would have liked to learn to hide it better. But he must have hid his anger well enough from both Isabel and Eren. He was happy, elated even that Eren wanted to date him too, but he was angry that Eren said yes so easily, so soon after they had fought. Levi remembered how pissed he had been with Kenny for leaving a pair of dirty underwear hanging on the knob of Levi’s bedroom door. He swept Kenny’s leg every chance he got for the next three months. How could Eren forgive him so easily?

Grisha removed his glasses and thumbed his eyes.

“Both of them,” Grisha said while looking at the ceiling where Eren and Carla were likely preparing Eren’s room, “would be angry if they knew I had you pinned like this. I’m sorry. It’s just like a tumour ballooning in my mind.”

“You should really talk to Eren about this,” Levi said as gently as he could. “But for the unofficial record, I don’t think he ever hated you. He reserves his wrath for social inequities, not minute human fuck ups.”

Levi froze. He probably shouldn’t have said fuck.

Grisha chuckled. “I think my transgression is more than a minor fuck up.”

Fucking eh, Grisha could handle some spice. Levi shrugged. He paused to think whether he would regret speaking, but since Grisha was flapping his dirty laundry in the wind, Levi could probably get away with it too. “My mother was a prostitute. She tried not to bring johns home if she could help it, but if it was a choice between exposing me to the grit of the world and not being able to feed us tomorrow, she would do it. One of them tried to assault me and when the cops showed up, they judged her a bad mother. She wasn’t really. She was born into a shit life with shitty choices and got shit in return for trying to be less shitty. I know her situation and yours are different, but the way I see it is parents are people and people are fallible. Just because you fail your family once doesn’t mean you fail as a father forever.”

Levi felt like a shit for thinking it, but it felt good when the naked dumping of his life story made Grisha’s jaw drop. For the first time since getting out of the car, he felt like he had a grip on the nape of the situation and wasn’t being mopped around the floor.

“Eren did mention that your relationship with your family was strained, but I didn’t know the details. I don’t know what to say to what you’ve shared with me about your life, but I appreciate your perspective.” Grisha looked at his empty glass. “You’re level-headed, Levi. If there’s one thing bringing me peace of mind, it’s knowing you are and have been in my son’s corner through all of this.”

Levi swore he could actually feel his intestines eating themselves. Yeah, that wasn’t accurate, but there was only so much share and tell Levi could handle for one night. Levi decided now was the perfect time to finish his drink.

There was an ungodly thudding as Eren booked it down the stairs and flew into the living room.

“Sorry for being away for so long,” Eren said, his sides heaving. “What’s going on?”

Grisha spoke. “We were chatting over a drink. Did you want to join us for one more before bed?”

Eren looked to Levi. Levi knew Eren wasn't trying to snub his father by not answering him straightaway, but he was conscious of how Grisha’s fingers were going white around the knuckles as he grasped his glass. Levi shrugged and Eren took a seat on the couch off to the side. Levi moved to join Eren while Grisha walked off to the kitchen to get more egg nog.

“You okay?” Eren whispered in Levi’s ear.

“What about you? You look like you’ve seen the Ghost of Christmas Future.” 

Eren looked agitated and restless. He wouldn’t lean back into the couch and kept playing with a candy cane until he accidentally snapped it.

Eren shook his head. “Fine, just mom wanted me to dust my room because she forgot, even though I told her you like things neat. And then we only had one duster, but it broke, so we had to use Lysol wipes and now the room smells like fresh forest. I think it just smells like pine and chemicals.”

Eren put his head in his hands. “And my dad. He wasn’t weird, was he?”

Levi rubbed Eren’s back. “No weirder than you.”

“Oh fuck.” Eren sat up, looking bewildered. “He was _that_ bad?”

Levi wanted to say no because he wasn’t sure anyone he knew was more tightly wound than Eren right now, but his last joke had Eren grinding the candy cane to dust. Levi took Eren’s hand and gave it a couple squeezes.

“Your dad is fine, Eren. He’s certainly no Kenny, thank Maria, Rose, and Sina for that.”

Eren nodded and looked ever so slightly relieved. Levi hesitated. He didn’t want to add to Eren’s pile of shit, but he didn’t want him blindsided by Grisha’s bag of guilt. “Your dad does want to talk to you though.”

That news went down about as well as a fat man down a chimney. Eren sat upright. “What? About what?”

“About the shit with Zeke.”

“Oh.”

Levi could hear Grisha making his way back to the living room, whistling _Frosty the Snowman_. They hadn’t been at the Jaegers’ for an hour yet and Eren looked like he was returning from a year long war. 

There wasn’t much time for a pep talk or grand display of support. Even if there was, Levi wasn’t sure what to say. Don’t worry, babe, if this thing goes south, I’ll take him out? At least if he did, he doubted he would ever be invited back for the holidays.

Grisha passed out the drinks and just as he settled into his chair, Eren said, “You want to talk about Zeke?”

If Grisha was surprised, he didn’t show it. Both father and son stared at the carpet.

“It’s not so much about Zeke as it is about you and me,” Grisha said.

“What about us?” Eren asked. Grisha looked briefly at Levi and everyone seemed to understand that Grisha was asking if he should be here. Levi felt Eren stiffen as he said angrily, “Don’t look at Levi like he’s not wanted here.”

“No, of course not,” Grisha said.

“Eren.” Levi put a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

Eren said quickly, “Of course, if you’re uncomfortable at all, Levi, you don’t have to stay. Shit. I shouldn’t have started this up before seeing you off to bed.”

Before Eren could explode and decorate the Christmas tree with pieces of his body, Levi said, “Just say what you need to. I’m here if you need me. If you need me gone, then I’ll fuck off elsewhere and wait for you.”

Eren nodded first at Levi, then at Grisha. 

Grisha took in a deep breath through his nose. “We haven’t talked properly about what happened and I haven’t apologized properly either. I don’t think any words can ever excuse the fact that I lied to you and your mother for so long. I just kept thinking ‘he’ll never come here. I’ll never have to explain myself. He’s not my problem’ but...your mother and then you.”

Grisha was getting teary eyed again and had to cough to clear the emotion globbing his throat. “I am sorry, Eren. Sorry that I didn’t tell you and your mother as soon as I knew. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to express you were hurting and wanted a resolution with Zeke. And I’m sorry that my actions or lack thereof led to you getting hurt. I am sorry, son.”

Levi could feel his brows pushing up. So that’s what a fully-realized Jaeger apology sounded like. This family, it just bled sincerity and sentiment. Eren had absorbed all this with his head down and body hunched forward. Levi didn’t touch him, but sat around him. He didn’t know what Eren needed or if he could even provide any comfort.

Ultimately, Eren shook his head. “It’s okay, dad.”

Grisha blinked. “You know you don’t have to respond positively. You don’t even have to respond right away.”

Eren shook his head again. “Literally everyone told me not to go near Zeke and you couldn’t have known what he would do. And you weren’t really his father, just his sperm donor. He wasn’t your problem, but I guess it’s good that you are seeing him now. He’ll get help and won’t be a menace to society.”

Grisha stared at his son. “Eren, it’s perfectly normal for you to have feelings of pain or anger—”

“I don’t.” Levi believed Eren when he said it, but not because he truly seemed okay with their word tennis. Eren seemed muted. Levi was used to Eren’s emotions being surround sound cranked to the max, but right now it was like listening through headphones five feet away. Something didn’t seem right, but neither Levi nor Grisha, the senior emotional guru, could figure out what, and Eren didn’t seem interested or maybe aware enough to tell.

“I’m really not angry,” Eren said, continuing his staring contest with the carpet. “Mom said Zeke is coming over tomorrow and that you and her will be spending some time with him.”

Levi tensed. What sociopath thought that was a good idea?

Grisha nodded. “Your mother wanted a chance to, ah, speak her mind to him. I’m not certain it’s the best idea, but both their counsellors okayed the meeting.”

“Can I meet him too?” Eren asked.

Grisha bowed his head. “That is entirely up to you.”

“I want to.”

Levi wasn’t surprised by this. He doubted the quick exchange Zeke and Eren had had outside this silent disco was enough to resolve their feelings.

Levi asked, “Will my being here upset Zeke?”

Eren was quick to say with a bit more of his usual spunk, “I can take you home before that so that there’s no chance of him hurting you.”

Levi bristled a smidge. “That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about him taking shit out on you. I can handle the bastard.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” Levi wouldn’t miss this time. “The only thing that would keep me away is if you didn’t want me there.”

Eren chuckled. “Not even the gods?”

Levi smiled. “The gods are bitches and Santa isn’t real. Sorry if you’re religious, Grisha.”

Grisha shook his head. “I’m more offended by your baseless remark about Santa Claus.”

“It’s not baseless,” Levi said, “Kenny tried once to convince me Santa was real. He borrowed this suit that I don’t think was even a Santa costume, just a huge red jumpsuit. He pretended to come down the chimney and surprise me. I thought he was a burglar and grabbed a broom...I jingled his bells pretty good.”

Eren got a laugh out of that, which Levi was happy to see. Grisha looked concerned though. “Did your, uh, Kenny seek medical attention after this happened?”

“Nah, but he’s fine. The lady he had over the next night had no complaints.” Levi worried briefly about telling dirty stories, but they seemed the only thing that could make Eren perk up. Grisha let out a chuckle and drank deep from his glass.

***

Eren kept his eyes on Levi like he was the doomsday clock seconds from midnight. His smile seemed genuine when talking with Grisha and his arm behind Eren’s head relaxed. The bags under his eyes were looking heavy though and the drink wasn’t helping keep him awake.

Eren prodded Levi discreetly as Grisha tended the fire and nodded to the stairs. Levi held his gaze for a moment before shrugging. Eren excused them and said he would be back down to help clean up. Grisha waved them onward, muttering something about so long as Levi was asleep, then Santa’s bells would be safe while working on the cleanup.

Eren walked Levi up to his bedroom. 

“You coming to bed soon?” Levi asked as he turned down the bed in the dark.

Eren nodded. “Yeah, I’m just going to check on my dad.”

Both of them were swaying a bit, but Levi walked back over to him. “If I’m asleep when you get back, wake me.”

Eren shook his head. “No, you should sleep.”

Levi pulled him in for a sloppier than either of them intended kiss. “I don’t care. Consider it an early Christmas present.”

Eren pecked him back. “Okay.”

Eren watched Levi strip to his boxers and face plant into bed. Seeing the muscles in his back go slack and his breathing slow made Eren feel at ease for a moment. He wanted to flop down next to him, have Levi wrap an arm around his neck and call him a brat. But that would be too easy. Eren went back downstairs. There were a couple things Eren hadn’t said because he didn’t want Levi to feel awkward or worried, although it seemed he was already suspicious of something.

Going down the stairs, Eren was reminded of a memory, a very faint one that was only remembered because he’d felt such strong emotions at the time. Well, he always felt strong emotions, but this was one of the first times.

He was young then, young enough that having a nightlight was a must for security. He’d heard his parents argue before, but hearing their angry whispers through his bedroom door when the hour was late and the light gone unnerved him. He crept out of his bedroom and hovered around the top of the stairs, peering down at them. He couldn’t remember what they were arguing about and it didn’t matter even then. Eren knew now that not all fights are equal, but at the time, he felt fear make his hands go numb and sting his eyes. His little body shook. He’d seen movies with divorced parents and knew of a boy in his class whose parents were no longer together. Was that what was happening here? Was Eren losing his family? Would his normal become his past?

If the uncertainty he felt as a child was like lightning, then what he felt now was static in comparison. He wasn’t sure he cared to know the answer, but felt he ought to.

Instead of sitting on the couch, Eren sat in the chair beside his father. They sat for sometime in a silence that was a little awkward, but not cold.

Finally, Grisha said, “I like Levi.”

“Yeah, I do too.” Eren stared at the fire. He was tired. “Love him, actually.”

“Good. Nothing would make me happier.”

“Mom’s gone to bed.” Eren tried not to sound anything but neutral. “I noticed she’s sleeping in the guest bedroom.”

Grisha nodded. “She has been since she moved back in a week ago.”

Eren fidgeted with the seam of the chair. “She...she didn’t move back in just because I was coming home for Christmas, right?”

Grisha shook his head. “No, I asked her the same thing. She said, and I have permission to tell you this, she’s still upset, but she knows she still loves me.”

“That’s…probably okay.” Eren actually wasn’t sure on that. Maybe it was just late. Maybe egg nog was just anxiety fuel. After all, what even _is_ a nog and how does it come from eggs?

“Eren.” Grisha turned his body towards him. “Are you alright, son?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Grisha watched him, his face looking grave in the light of the fire. “It must be difficult to come home to a household so changed.”

Eren looked at his feet and shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“It’s okay if it’s not too,” Grisha said softly.

Eren’s eyesight was starting to go blurry and his nose stuff up.

Grisha got up and returned with a tissue box. Eren took one with a promise to himself that it would be the only one he would need. _For fuck’s sake, it’s Christmas Eve, not a funeral._ Grisha patted Eren’s shoulder and kept his hand there until Eren patted his hand back. Eren inched forward on his seat with the intention to stand, but Grisha spoke.

“I was worried that you were talking to me less because you didn’t want to be close anymore,” Grisha said as he sat back down.

Eren furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

“Of all the boyfriends you’ve had, you seem to love Levi the most, but talk about him the least.” Grisha chuckled. “I think I got more information on him from his Twitter bio than you.”

Eren scratched his head. “There are just some things about him that aren’t mine to share.”

“Like his mother working as a prostitute?”

Eren blinked. “Did Isabel really include _that_ in his bio?”

“No, Levi told me while you were upstairs with your mother.”

Eren felt his heart lurch in the best of ways. “He opened up to you?”

“I know, right? He’s a hard study. Probably because he had a hard life.” Grisha smiled. “You should be proud of him for that.”

Okay, _two_ tissues max. “I am. So very. He talked—Gods, I love him.”

Eren balled his tissues up and his smile bled through a bit more genuinely. “I love you too, dad.”

“I love you too, son.”

As Eren walked back up stairs, he felt less trepidation and something more like hope. Even if his parents didn’t get back together, they would still be family. And Levi seemed to want to be a part of it. Levi’s family was difficult too, but it was mainly circumstance that hacked at them and scraped them off the sidewalk. With his own family, it felt like secrets and lies, which were really just shame, guilt, and poor decisions stacked under a trench coat. And Eren had allowed them entry into his heart.

Levi was asleep. Eren knew he had asked him to wake him, but Eren was fine, really. He didn’t need to worry.

“That you?” Levi muttered into his pillow as Eren slipped beneath the covers.

“Yeah, I’m just getting into bed. Go back to sleep.”

Levi lifted his head and Eren turned his face away. He felt like Levi could recite _The Night Before Christmas_ at him and he would burst into tears. He was happy. _I am happy_ . Eren sighed. _I must just be tired_.

“Are you—?”

Eren said quickly but gently, “I’m just tired.”

Eren could practically feel Levi’s eyes burning through him like Rudolph’s nose cutting through the fog and social stigma of being slightly different. But Levi didn’t press him. Instead Levi wrapped his arms around Eren and kissed the back of his neck. “Love you.”

Eren took in a deep breath. “I love you too.”


	2. Ignorance and Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to all the service, sales, frontline, and generally customer facing people of the world who are probably paid too little to deal with too much ugly. Thank you for the things you did and do. The un-merry things people do and say to you are reflective of them, not you. Keep on keepin’ on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Homophobic remarks, a fairly graphic threat, discussions of violence/trauma, and smut.

_ So that’s how it’s done _ , Levi thought before falling asleep. Maybe it was because they were so close to Christmas that he kept finding his mind wandering back in time. The barrier between past and present seemed particularly thin this time of the year and dreams gave few fucks about continuity at the best of times. Levi dreamed or maybe recalled just before falling asleep the first time Eren had told him he loved him.

They had just come back from Kuchel’s for a second time, were lying in Eren’s bed, said some heartfelt and hearfeltedly stupid things to one another, then all of a sudden…

“I love you.”

At first, the words didn’t register with Levi. He was no more familiar with them than he was with someone cussing him out in a language he didn’t understand. Actually, he was more familiar with angry foreign languages given he fought in the octagon. But the look of fear and hope etched in Eren’s face made him realize some shit had just gone down.

Levi blinked. “I love you too.”

Levi fought the urge to chuck his pillow in Eren’s face when Eren laughed at him. Actually, he didn’t fight it that hard since he did end up doing it.

Muffled by the pillow, Eren kept laughing. 

Levi asked, “What? What the hell are you laughing at?”

“You…” Eren said from under the pillow as he clutched his sides, “you sounded so dead inside when you said it back. Like...do you actually love me or did you just agree to only eat broccoli for the rest of your life?”

Levi lifted the pillow off Eren since he was too busy taking the piss out of him to do it himself. Eren wiped at his eyes as he said, “I’m sorry. It’s just I was nervous to say it and then...then when you said it back just like that. Sorry.”

Had he sounded that dead inside? He had meant it.

When Eren went from breathlessly laughing to airlessly apologizing, Levi kissed him into submission.

Eren broke away. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. I’m such an idiot. Worse, an asshole.”

“Yeah, but you’re my asshole.” Levi propped himself up on his elbow. “Gods know you deal with enough of my shit to earn that title.”

Eren laughed. “Fair.”

Levi leaned back in to kiss him again. “I just hope you don’t react to every virgin experience like that.”

“I—wait. Stop for a moment.” Eren pushed Levi back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ve never said those words before, brat.”

“You mean you’ve never said ‘I love you’ to a romantic partner, right?” Eren asked.

“Who else would I say them to?”

“To friends and family?”

Now it was Levi’s turn to laugh. “You’ve met Kenny, right? He mixes as well with emotions as vinegar does with milk.”

“What about Isabel and Furlan?”

Eren’s concern kept snowballing and Levi was beginning to question whether he had been doing something wrong with his life. “Furlan’s not into guys.”

“That’s not—Look.” Eren sat up and yelled for his roommates. Mikasa’s purposeful footsteps were heard in the hallway, and then her adamant fist on Armin’s door before they both appeared in the doorway of Eren’s room.

Armin looked over the two of them laying in Eren’s bed. “Eren, all kinks are valid, but I’m really not into voyeurism.”

“What? No, that’s not—Armin, why?” Eren spluttered.

Armin shrugged. “People sharing beds just reads sexual to me and shy is the last thing I would ever call you.”

“Okay, but we’ve shared a bed before,” Eren said. “Pretty much any time we had a sleepover. That wasn’t sexual, right?”

“No, I’d call it violent.” Armin nodded at Levi, “How do you stand sleeping with someone who kicks so much in their sleep?”

Levi shrugged. “Just be the guy who kicks the hardest.”

“Eren, is something wrong?” Mikasa asked, giving Levi a tepid look. Eren had mentioned to Levi that ever since she punched out Zeke, she’d been more aggressive. Like a dog that got its first taste of blood and now made a better Cujo than a Lassie.

“No.  _ No _ .” Eren waved his hands. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you and appreciate you.”

Armin sighed so softly. “Of course I love and appreciate you too, but you could have just texted me that. ”

“I also love and appreciate you, and I’d be willing to prove it through action,” Mikasa said. She narrowed her eyes at Levi, “if necessary.”

Levi almost dumped Eren off the bed to give them a reason to fight. He could still easily beat her, but she made an excellent sparring partner.

“Not necessary, thanks,” Eren said swiftly, waving them off. He turned back to Levi. “See? Normal, right?”

Levi couldn’t force himself to not look skeptical. “Am I supposed to agree to that?”

“It’s not unnatural to tell your friends you love them.”

By the set of his lips and mania in his eyes, Levi knew this was one of the many hills Eren would die on. 

Levi had an idea. He suffocated his smirk and asked, “Wanna bet?”

The last thing spinning on the track of Levi’s mind before waking up Christmas morning was how Eren had laughed back then and the feeling of Eren’s ribs shaking slightly as he held Eren just last night. He was fairly certain Eren had not been in a laughing mood Christmas Eve, but he also hadn’t been in a talking one either.

When Levi turned over, he thought he’d see the back of Eren’s head as he dozed gently. He was not expecting Eren to be staring at him like a puppy with a bursting bladder.

“Fucking hell,” Levi said, spooked by the Mack truckload of affection barrelling down on him. “What?”

“You want to shower?” Eren asked, practically bursting.

Levi gave him a skeptical look. “Isn’t it a bit early and parentally occupied for sex?”

Eren tripped over his tongue a bit. “Oh no. Well, if you wanted...I just meant do you want to get cleaned up before we head downstairs?”

Levi did enjoy being clean when engaging in awkward family functions. “Fuck yeah.”

They snuck to the bathroom where Eren cleaned up at the sink while Levi occupied the shower. When Levi turned the taps off, dried himself, and stepped out, Eren was waiting and, by the rigidness of his stance, about as patiently as he had waiting for Levi to wake.

“What?” Levi asked again.

“I brushed my teeth and washed my face.”

“You want praise for basic hygiene?” Okay, it was hot that he was clean. He even flossed too, the sexy devil.

Eren kissed him in the most Eren of ways. Body to body, his hand rubbing the fuzz at the back of Levi’s head, and slowly, deeply, passionately. When he pulled back, there was redness on Eren’s cheeks that wasn’t from the humidity of the shower. “It took most of my willpower to not wish you a happy birthday the moment we woke up.”

“I wouldn’t have been as happy if I had your stagnant breath filing my mouth.” Levi pulled him in one more time. “Thanks. Merry Christmas, Eren.”

***

When they headed downstairs, Eren’s parents were occupying the chairs they had sat in with Grisha the night before, chatting softly. It had snowed and the sunny morning light needed to be softened by drawing the sheers. They had a pot of coffee already brewed and gentle Christmas piano music playing. The moment they sat down, Carla was on her feet, offering them something to drink or eat, and Grisha had gone over to the tree to fetch their gifts.

This was the part Levi was most concerned about. He didn’t like handouts and he rarely received or gave gifts. Usually, he was gifted a drink or two by his friends or horny strangers at the bar, but he doubted the box Grisha passed him was a shot of vodka.

Moments before, Eren had been anxiously awaiting Levi to dry his ass and get out of the shower. Now he just looked anxious as the Jaegers settled around them. Eren knew Levi hadn’t spent Christmas or his birthday like this before. Levi had told him when he was a kid and living with his mom, they would make pancakes, eating them with corn syrup instead of maple syrup because it was cheaper. When he lived with Kenny, they would sit shirtless on the balcony, Furlan usually there, with their bodies steaming in the cold after working out, and his uncle would let them have a shot of his better whiskey. When he moved in with Furlan and Isabel, chances were at least one of them was working to get bonus pay for working a holiday, but they would grab a couple drinks when their schedules next aligned and money allowed. Levi had told Eren it wasn’t how people celebrated with him, but that they made a point of doing so. Levi expected his family and roommates to do something, obviously because they cared for him but also because of convenience. Levi shared a space with them, so the reminder or ability to pay a simple acknowledgement was opportune. What was happening now in the living room was different for both of them. Eren hadn’t brought anyone home for the holidays and the first guy he did happened to be about as social as an alley cat guarding a turkey carcass. He tried to think of a way to calm Eren down, but he didn’t think the Jaegers kept straightjackets on hand.

Grisha winked at Eren as he passed him a couple presents. Eren smiled as he tucked a smaller box beside him and took the other for himself. Eren blazed the trail for Levi by opening his gift first.

“Wow, thanks mom and dad.” They had bought him various fitness items that he had requested, such as sneakers with better support in his favourite colour, shirts that would fit properly now that he had bulked up and slimmed down in some places from training at Erwin’s dojo, and, Levi was thankful he didn’t currently have coffee in his hands because he probably would have spewed it when he recognized the hoodie Eren pulled out.  _ Fuck, Isabel _ .

This hoodie had LEVI SQUAD printed on it. Levi felt sweat bead along his spine as he realized that whoever had bought it probably also saw the design with Levi beating on gorilla Zeke. 

“It personally wasn’t my favourite design, but the others were low on sizes,” Carla said, daintily sipping her coffee. She stared at Levi and a smile tugged briefly at her lips before looking away.

The one good thing about the hoodie was it had temporarily shoved Eren’s anxieties aside and made room for the joy of Christmas in his heart. Eren turned to him. “How come you didn’t tell me you had merch?”

“I didn’t know either until a couple weeks ago,” Levi said. “Isabel and Furlan, my roommates, designed and sold them. I’m not very good at the marketing side of things, just the punching part.”

Levi said to Carla, “If I had known you were getting him one, I would have gotten you a discount.”

Carla shook her head. “We wanted to support you and we knew Eren would like it. We were a bit stumped for you though, so hopefully Eren didn’t steer us wrong.”

Levi took the hint and opened his box. It took him a moment to recognize what it was at first, but when he did, he froze.

Levi had seen Erwin’s belts displayed in his dojo’s office and had thought about getting some racks for himself at some point, but even the half-decent ones were more than he could afford. These ones were high-quality polished wood with Levi’s name and discipline printed on a gold plaque at the top.

“We can get the dates or anything else added to it,” Grisha said. “Eren couldn’t be certain he knew the specific year.”

“I just don’t have a head for dates.” Eren blushed. “Besides, he hasn’t gotten his second black belt yet and I didn’t want you to jinx him.”

Grisha raised his hands. “Okay, fair enough. Anyway, Levi, you’ve accomplished so much and ought to display those accomplishments proudly.” 

“Or at least Kenny won’t rag on you for keeping them at his dojo,” Eren said.

“But, if you don’t like them, don’t feel like you have to use them,” Carla added, giving Grisha a pointed look.

“That’s right,” Grisha said. “The plaque’s removable, so you can resell them or regift them.”

Levi swallowed hard. He had to in order to speak. “Thank you.”

He tried to think of something else to say or even look them in the eye, but he couldn’t manage it. Shit, Eren hadn’t fallen far from the feelings tree. In fact, he dropped straight down and stuck. Eren slipped his hand into Levi’s. He hadn’t realized he’d gripped the box so hard, he’d dented it.

“I have something  _ very small _ for you too,” Eren said. “I know we said we  _ weren’t doing gifts _ , so this is just a token to show I love and appreciate you.” Eren discreetly nodded his head in the direction of his parents. They put him up to this then. Eren passed him the small box he'd tucked away. Levi had been suspicious of the little gift since it was wrapped poorly in comparison to the others, meaning Eren had probably wrapped it himself.

Levi opened it to find a box of tea.

“You said you liked this blend and it’s kind of symbolic because it was from the diner we first grabbed a drink at. Like before we were officially dating,” Eren said, his ears red and also unable to make eye contact. “First time we hung out, first Christmas. I thought it was an okay fit.”

“Sawney’s sells tea now?” Carla asked.

“No,” Eren said, “I had to ask the waitress the brand and call around a bit, but it was pretty easy to find.”

Levi stood up and said, “I’ll go make a pot,” before making a swift exit to the kitchen. He knew he was being rude. He hoped Eren wouldn’t panic. He could hear Eren’s mother ask in a whisper whether they had upset him and Eren hurriedly making an excuse about how Levi liked to start his day off with tea before excusing himself to the kitchen as well.

Levi had already filled the kettle and was making his best guess which cupboard contained the tea pot. The first door he opened hid baking goods. He leaned on the counter and sighed.

“Hey,” Eren said from the doorway. “I know we said no gifts and I didn’t want to get it for you. I mean, normally, I would have loved too, but I love respecting your wishes more. My parents, mom in particular, were adamant that I do something. And…and I guess despite being an adult, I still live in fear of my mother.”

Levi nodded. He still lived in fear of Kenny. Well, fear of being harangued and grossed out. 

Eren dithered in the doorway. “Are you…?”

“I’m not angry. It’s all a bit much, is all.” His voice broke on the last word. He heard Eren’s bare feet slap on the tile as he approached him.

“You don’t have to say yes because I know everyone handles things differently, but can I hug you?”

Levi turned and pressed his forehead into Eren’s chest. Eren lightly put his arms around him. “I know they— _ we _ can all be a bit much.”

“It’s fine.” Levi dug his fingers into Eren’s back and breathed deep. “I didn’t know what to expect or what it would feel like. I can’t describe it. They don’t know me. Why the fuck should they care?”

“Why shouldn’t they care?” Eren asked. He sounded genuinely baffled.

“There are two types of people in this world,” Levi said, pulling away. “There is my type of people and there is everyone else. That might as well be the Ackerman family motto.”

“That sounds…” Eren seemed to be looking for a word that wasn’t judgemental, “lonely, I guess.”

“It’s better to be lonely than to be tackled to the ground by an Erwin-sized officer at five in the morning because you wanted to buy a shitty sandwich.”

“That’s...very specific,” Eren said, looking both confused and intrigued.

Levi laughed dryly. “I’ll tell you about it some time when we’re down to a maximum of three emotional crises a day.”

“Okay.” Eren rubbed Levi’s shoulders. Levi was still having trouble meeting people’s gazes. Eren said, “You know, it’s okay to not know how to feel or to be overwhelmed by your feelings. I’m just glad that you’re here.”

“Yeah, speaking of that,” Levi said as he scratched at his eye, “last night, you seemed—”

The kettle began shrieking her sweet song of completion. Eren pecked Levi before turning the stove off and retrieving the teapot from the cupboard above the stove. Ah, yeah, Levi had thought that seemed the logical place for a teapot, but had avoided looking in it because he was too damn short.

“Can you take out the cream and sugar?” Eren asked as he poured the water into the teapot. “I’ll just grab the tray from the living room and be right back.”

Eren gave Levi a small smile, but chewed at his finger as he left the room. Given who was to come over in a couple hours, it made sense that Eren was worked up and distracted.

***

Nearly 11:00 AM, there was a knock at the door. Grisha and Carla shared a knowing look and Grisha went to open it. Zeke’s voice could be heard, deep and standoffish, from the hallway. Carla excused herself to clear their mugs away and clean up in the kitchen. Her hands were shaking as she lifted the tea tray.

“Levi, can you help mom clean things up?” Eren asked.

Levi stood, but Carla said, “I’m fine, Eren.”

“Mom, you shouldn’t be alone—”

“Eren.” Her tone of voice hit a primordial note that was unique to parents. Kenny had never mastered it, but that was probably because he was an idiot. Levi felt the power it contained. Why the hell didn’t Erwin teach this shit at his dojo? Kiais were great for freaking the other guy out, but they didn’t have the power to freeze the soles of your feet to the floor. Carla left the room and the temperature rose again.

“If it’s any consolation,” Levi said, poking Eren’s elbow, “her hands weren’t shaking out of fear. She’s fucking pissed.”

“Really?” Eren blinked. “How could you tell?”

“Because when she stared at the kettle, the water practically reboiled.” Levi rubbed the back of Eren’s neck. “And rage is one of the few emotions I know a lot about.”

Eren nodded. Levi thought he looked pale. He was and wasn’t surprised by Eren’s emotions. Yes, Eren had crossed paths with Zeke briefly and exchanged some words, but they had been having fun at a party and the meeting had been random. Eren had time to grind his brains on the what ifs of the situation. And his nerves seemed to be on their last string of flickering lights. Levi could hear Grisha offering to hang Zeke’s coat up.

“Hey,” Levi said, tapping Eren’s shoulder as he sat on the arm of the couch, “I’ll be right here.”

“Actually,” Eren played with the strings of his hoodie, “could you give us some space? At least for a few minutes.”

Levi stared, trying to figure out whether Eren was making good life choices or not.

“I’m just worried he’ll freak out on you and that he won’t be able to focus on,” Eren made a gesture towards himself and the room in general.

Levi blinked slowly. “Okay.”

“Thanks.”

Levi pointed to the hallway. “I’ll be just down there, out of sight, but within hearing range. If you call me or I hear something concerning, it’ll be like the gods teleported me in.”

Eren flicked a smile on for a moment. “Okay. Deal.”

***

When Grisha reappeared in the living room, he was followed by Zeke. Eren’s half-brother looked short as he skulked in nearly bent over and shoulders hunched as if the crisp morning air had followed him into the house. Eren felt very little actually or, if he really thought about it, it was more so that he was feeling too much; when most of his buttons were already being held down, it’s hard to feel a new one being pressed. 

He thought if he saw Zeke again, well, he actually wasn’t sure what he would do. He understood why Zeke was the way he was, but also knew Zeke made his own choices. Eren wanted justice, but he also wanted his family to heal and Zeke to not go off on someone else. It had hurt when Zeke beat him, but he was also used to pain. Although, usually Eren knew why he was getting his ass kicked. It usually had something to do with his mouth and moral compass. With Zeke, Eren wasn’t sure about much. All he knew was his palms were sweaty and he couldn’t sit down.

“Eren,” Grisha said, “Zeke has something he wants to say to you.”

Eren nodded. “I’ll hear it.”

Grisha puffed up his cheeks and let out a slow breath. “Okay. Alright. I’m just going to check on Carla and I’ll be back out…call if you—if  _ either of you _ need me.”

Eren stared Zeke down as he paced before the fire and finally decided to stand as far away from Eren as possible and still be in the same room. Eren hated this toxic masculinity bullshit, but if Zeke responded to this archaic form of dominance, then Eren would keep his eyes on him until he’d burned a hole through his half-brother’s head. That and taking his eyes off of Zeke felt like a good way to earn a Darwin Award.

Zeke patted his shirt down, swore, and briefly exited the room. When he returned, he had a piece of paper in his hands. He raised it at Eren, “I forgot it in my jacket pocket.”

When Eren continued to stare, Zeke hesitantly said, “My counsellor had me write letters to each person I hurt. It kind of sounds like fairy farts, but I guess it helps...can I read it to you?”

Eren felt his fists clench.  _ This isn’t _ …”Sure.”

“‘Eren’—I didn’t say ‘Dear Eren’, well, I  _ did _ write ‘Dear Eren’, but I thought that sounded lame anyway…‘Eren’.”

Zeke cleared his throat. Why did Eren find Zeke looking nervous upsetting somehow? Every time he dithered, Eren wanted to snap at him to just get it over with. But that wouldn’t be fair, right?  _ Derailing someone on their mental health journey is not something I stand for. But why does he get to feel upset—stop it. Just listen. _

“‘My counsellor said I shouldn’t use inflammatory or crude language, but I can’t think of anything cleaner to call myself than a piss poor attempt at a human sculpted out of rat turds. What I did to you’—attacking you,” Zeke clarified.

“Yeah, I remember,” Eren said stiffly.

“Right. ‘What I did to you was unacceptable, cruel, and straight fucked. And even worse, you weren’t given a reason why what was happening to you was happening to you. I think it’s pretty clear that there is no good reason.’” Zeke paused. His grip tightened on the paper, wrinkling it. “‘I hurt you because I was angry, jealous, and had a view of the world that was more messed up than the plot of  _ Danny Darko _ and  _ Fight Club _ combined. Instead of processing my emotions like an adult, I took them out on you like a rabid, stupid animal. But I hope in time and with enough letters, I can at least become a house-trained, stupid animal.’”

Eren stared at the ground, but even the flattest and most stable part of the room still lurched.  _ Why do I feel like this isn’t fair? He IS trying. Shit and now I’m not even listening. C’mon! It’s Christmas, idiot. Good will towards men (AND women). Even if this man is actually an animal who shit in my house. NOT HELPING. _

“‘Anyway, I am sorry for how I treated you. I don’t expect you to accept my limp-dick apology or forgive me. One more time, I’m sorry for flicking my emotional shit onto you.’” Zeke folded up the paper, stuffed it in his shirt pocket only to take it back out so that he could more easily retrieve his glasses from the same pocket. When he put them on and looked at Eren, his lips set in a line. “Nice sweater.”

Eren looked down and realized he was wearing Levi’s merch. He almost apologized, but caught himself by the second syllable. “I...It was a gift.”

Zeke nodded. “Right. That’s not really important. Sorry. So…”

Zeke stared at Eren and Eren continued to consulate the floor.  _ Should I forgive him? _ Eren thought that that might be the easiest for everyone. His dad might feel relieved if neither of them wished the other ill will. His mother might be less angry with his dad. And, though Levi wasn’t really a part of this, he was still attached to via Eren. Levi would be infected by Eren’s negative emotions, and that wasn’t fair, right? Eren froze.  _ Oh gods. I  _ left _ Levi on his own. I broke our own rule! _

“Hey, you don’t have to forgive me or anything, but are you okay?” Zeke leaned forward a bit. “You look like kind of pukey.”

“Yeah, no. I mean I’m fine. Just...my mom.”

Zeke cocked a brow. “What about her?”

“Do you have a letter for her too? Have you apologized to her yet?” Eren asked this while looking towards the hallway. He could see the silhouette of Levi leaning against the wall. He didn’t look mentally disturbed, but it was hard to tell with the lights off.

Zeke looked in the same direction as Eren, but couldn’t see what he was seeing. “Yeah, I have one for her too.”

“Fine. Then when you apologize to her, we’re good.”

“Seriously?” Zeke didn’t sound impressed or relieved. “My counseller’s always spewing this bullshit about how it’s no better to compare one person’s trauma to another’s like your measuring dicks, but I think you ending up in the hospital is the more painful of the two.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t care.” He knew that wasn’t true, but he could see Levi straightening up. Were his parents trying to lure him to the kitchen?

“You don’t care that I beat the shit out of you?” Zeke asked flatly.

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Eren took in a breath and forced himself to look back at Zeke because Zeke was now trying to lean forward to see down the hall. “I don’t give a shit if you say ‘I fucked up’ or ‘sorry’ or ‘I’m a piece of shit’ to me. I want to know that  _ you _ know that taking out your feelings and—and daddy issues on anyone isn’t right. That yelling at women is wrong. That shit’s fucking terrifying. Even if you weren’t a professional fighter, you would have double her strength without trying. And you rage and smash shit. That’s intimidating. No one deserves to live in a state of fear.”

“I know,” Zeke said quietly, “but you—”

“I don’t give a shit—I mean  _ I’m fine _ .”

Zeke stared at him. He muttered, “Guess I’m not the only one who needs a counsellor's bullshit.”

Eren felt something rising in his throat. He wasn’t sure if it was reason or bile, but Levi pinching his elbow stopped it spilling over. He also seemed to have the ability to stop Zeke from talking, which no one in the room thought was possible. Eventually, Zeke found eloquence again.

“What the fuck is this clown-ass elf doing here?” A kaleidoscope of emotions rearranged Zeke’s face. Surprise, suspicion, anger.

“Relax, Zeke,” Levi said, but otherwise focusing his attention on Eren, “I’m not here for you.”

“Then why the fuck are you here?” When Levi continued to ignore him, he turned to Eren. “Did you bring shrimp dip over here because—what? Did you honestly think I’d attack you again? Or what? Is this some kind of test to prove I won’t fly off the handle? What the fuck...”

“Would you sit your insecurities down for a second,” Levi said. “Fucking hell. Eren, what’s up? You okay?”

Eren wasn’t sure. He felt overwhelmed. And worried that just by breathing he was ruining Christmas. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Levi looked like he believed Eren’s words as much as he believed Kenny was Santa Claus. Eren didn’t have any better combinations for words, so Levi turned his attention to Zeke as he had started shifting and cracking his knuckles.

“Would you sit your ass down?” Levi wrinkled his nose. “I’m getting constipated just looking at you pace. I’m here to support Eren. That’s all.”

“So, what?” Zeke huffed. “You’re here to make sure I kiss his ass or suck him off or something?”

Eren gagged. “We are half-BROTHERS.”

“Shit, I forgot. I’m not exactly used to having siblings.”

Eren was about to say at least that was something they had in common, but almost swallowed his tongue when Levi said, “Besides, all that stuffs my job.”

Zeke opened his trap like he was going to dispense some sarcasm, but whatever he meant to say got stopped by realization. “What?”

When Levi just stared, Eren said, “He’s my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for a month now. Mom and dad invited us over for the holidays.”

Zeke looked between the two of them. He let out a laugh. “Of fucking course you are. ‘Eren’s a good guy’. I guess you meant a good lay.”

Eren was fairly certain Zeke was imitating Levi, but when had Levi spoken to Zeke about Eren? Last time these two saw each other, Levi was slicing Zeke’s face with his elbows in the octagon.

Zeke got up close to Levi and Eren felt his heart punch up into his uvula, but the memory of Zeke closing in on him stuck his feet to the spot. Levi didn’t back away despite having to crane his neck to look Zeke square in the eye. He just folded his arms and waited for Zeke to do something. After a moment of sizing each other up, Zeke sneered. “I kinda figured you were a homo. I bet that hoodie isn’t the only thing of yours Eren’s been in.”

Levi laughed. “Now that’s something you would actually win.”

“What the hell?” Eren yelled. What was  _ wrong _ with Zeke?

“All that rolling around on other guys probably gets you hard. I guess I should consider myself lucky you didn’t rub one out on my face during our match.”

“People toss trash out, not facefuck it, Zeke,” Levi said, while pulling the hood of Eren’s sweater over his head to stop him from charging in. “Eren, calm down. This isn’t very Christmas Spirity of you.”

“Yeah, well, homophobia isn’t very Christmas Spirity!” Eren said.

Levi chuckled dryly. “Depends on which pastors you ask.”

Eren got free of Levi’s grasp and whipped the hood back. He hadn’t been this angry in some time. His hands were shaking and the corners of his eyes stinging. Why was Zeke being so miserable? Eren rubbed the heel of his palm into his eyes until he felt dull pressure, like the surface tension might burst. It wouldn’t be just his eyes, flattening out like grapes. All of him just might pop. The Christmas tree could have his intestines for garland and his sparking brain for the star. Levi gently pulled his hands away from his face.

“Sorry, Eren.” Levi rubbed his back.

“No, it’s not you. It’s—” Eren gestured at Zeke who actually looked like he had a semi-functioning conscience. The sneer was gone and he was having trouble looking at Eren.

“Hey asshole,” Levi said to Zeke, “you got a pen to make a postscript on that letter about being a dickhead to all of the Ghostbusters and sandwiches of the world on Christmas?”

The pure and innocent look of confusion on Zeke’s face made Eren think for the first time that he might be able to forgive Zeke. When Eren and Levi shared a laugh over shared memories of Kenny’s stupidity, Zeke consoled himself by snatching up a candy cane from the cart and crunching it like the savage he was while muttering to himself that their stupid inside jokes were weird.

***

While Carla went outside to brush off the car, Grisha explained to Eren what they would be doing with Zeke. Levi stood out of earshot of them by the stairs, watching Eren. He seemed okay right now, nodding along and sometimes awkwardly scratching his head while his father spoke. But it seemed like every ten minutes there was some Christmas crisis taking place in either the Jaeger’s movie set of a living room or the inside of Eren’s skull. Levi could have all the tearful chats with Grisha, fling all of Zeke’s shit back at him, hell, he could even protect the replacement coffee table from getting Zeked again, but he couldn’t crack open Eren’s head and micromanage his thoughts. Maybe with the rest of the household gone for a bit, he could get Eren to sit and talk with him.

“So you get with my brother before or after our fight?” Zeke asked from behind him.

Levi gave Zeke his patented dead eyes. “After. We actually weren’t talking just before the fight.”

“Why?”

Levi sighed. “Because I was a dramatic little bitch and took out my butt-hurt feelings on him.”

“Huh.” Zeke joined Levi in staring at Eren and Grisha. “I guess we have something in common.”

“Tch. Don’t make me puke. I can’t stand mess.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Zeke chuckled. “What kind of fighter gets freaked by blood?”

“The kind that beat your ape ass.”

“Fair, douchebag.”

Whatever Grisha was saying was making Eren squirm and hide his face behind his hands.

“So…” Zeke said, leaning on the banister, “Eren obviously forgave you.”

Levi flashed his dead eyes again. “Yes, but I didn’t send him to the hospital.”

Zeke nodded. “Yeah...You haven’t...Did you tell him about, y’know,” Zeke made a gun with his fingers before awkwardly scratching his head.

“No.” Levi blinked. “He’s got enough on his mind. If it becomes relevant, I’ll mention it, but I’m not here to talk shit about you.”

Zeke bobbed his head and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. He turned to head to the door, but Levi said, “It was jealousy, right?”

Zeke’s lip twitched beneath his moustache. He looked from Levi to Eren and Grisha. “I thought you weren’t the gloating type? You heard me read my letter.”

“I didn’t mean when you beat Eren, I meant today with me.” 

“Sina’s tits,” Zeke breathed, “I make crude jokes all the time. I don’t actually want to blow my brother.”

“Don’t deflect, asshole. I meant you’re jealous that I’ve got Eren’s attention.” Levi knew Zeke was a professional shit talker, but the cameras weren’t rolling in the Jaegers’ living room. And sure, neither of them liked one another and Zeke had lost to him, but something about Zeke’s shit talk today made him think there was another flavour in his word stew that wasn’t just aggression. 

Zeke stared and his lips grew thin as he pressed them together.

Levi said, “The only thing better than having one family member is another, right?” Except if it meant having two Kennys. Fuck, Levi might go all  _ It’s a Wonderful Life _ on himself if he had to deal with two Kenny’s.

Zeke’s lack of answer, especially no dirty jokes or aggressive comments, was enough of an answer for Levi.

“One last thing,” Levi said. Zeke gave him an unamused look, but didn’t walk away. “I didn’t say it before because I didn’t think it was my place. Eren and I weren’t together, and my fight with you was for me, not him. But if you ever put hands on Eren again, your fighting career will be over.”

Zeke snorted. “Is that the best threat you can make? You’ll rat on me to Daddy Zachary? I’m not proud of it like I once was, but Dhalis knows the shit I’ve done and he’ll keep me in the UFC because I bring in the most money.”

“It’s Christmas and I didn’t want to fling anymore shit in the Jaeger household, but your skull is just that thick.” Levi took one step up onto the stairs to be eye level with Zeke. “I meant that if you ever hurt him again, I’ll snap your wrists. I’ll crumple the bones in your hands like they’re origami swans. You won’t be able to hold your own limp dick over the urinal without pissing all over your shoes let alone throw a punch.”

Zeke was quiet for a moment. “Fuck.” Zeke rolled the sleeve of his jacket up. “I’ve got  _ goosebumps _ . Shit, Levi. Where was this fire when we squared off? Shit, The Underground breeds fucking hellhounds.”

Levi didn’t think Zeke was being facetious, but he also wasn’t sure how to feel about being praised by Zeke. It was like if he went to Hell and Satan clapped him on the back.

“But since we’re having this heart-to-heart,” Zeke said, composing himself. “If you break my brother’s heart again, I’m dumping a gallon of pig piss on you for every tear he sheds.”

Levi laughed. He was disgusted by that mental image, but he also knew there were waterfalls that pumped out less water than Eren when he got going. “Where the fuck would you get that much pig piss?”

“Hey, don’t forget I’m loaded. I’ve got means.”

“The only thing bigger than your bank account is your goddamn mouth.”

“Of course you’d notice that, you little Underground slut.”

“Choke on it, Donkey Cunt.”

Zeke opened his mouth, probably to say something even more vulgar, but Levi punched his shoulder. He probably got him harder than he meant to (okay, he meant to), but Zeke played it off like he didn’t feel a thing. Eren and Grisha were headed their way.

Grisha clapped Zeke on the back on his way out the door. “Okay, boys. We’re headed out for lunch. We’ll be back in a couple hours. Eren, I’ll text you when we’re on our way back.”

“Yeah, okay,” Eren said a little too quickly to be casual. Levi wondered what had him wound up now.

Zeke nodded to Eren. “Have a happy Christmas, little bro.”

“Yeah, you too,” Eren said without much holiday mirth.

“See you around, Levi.” Zeke used his middle finger to push his nose up and oinked a couple times.

“Merry Christmas, Zeke.” Levi responded by flapping his hands like a bird and pantomiming slamming it into his knee. Zeke laughed and was out the door before Eren could process what had happened.

Eren looked concerned. “Did I miss something?”

“Zeke’s an a-hole, is all.”

Eren leaned his back against the railing while Levi rested over the banister. Levi asked, “How was talking with your dad?”

Levi didn’t think Grisha was likely to light into Eren like Kenny would have if it was Levi having issues. To be fair, Kenny had been hit on the head several more times than Grisha and should be no man’s yardstick.

“It was fine. He said to take my time, that I don’t owe Zeke anything.” The colour was rising on Eren’s cheeks again.

Levi reached over the banister and ruffled Eren’s hair. Before Levi could ask him any further questions, Eren said quickly, “My parents aren’t home.”

Levi laughed. Was Eren flustered because he wanted more than a tongue beneath the mistletoe? “Am I dating a brat teenager?”

“They left on purpose,” Eren said. This had to be their most awkward lead in to sex yet.

“Are you saying your parents left so their son could...get his candy cane sucked?” Levi could feel the heat creeping up his neck too. They had had some, maybe too many, kinky conversations and well before they started dating. What was it about being in someone’s childhood home that was making them both coy? Levi happened to catch the eye of the angel on the top of the tree. Though she smiled pleasantly, he couldn’t help feeling judged by the uppity bitch.

“My dad is a doctor. He’s just very comfortable talking about the human body. And they didn’t leave for me.” Levi watched Eren rub the back of his neck. “They figured, out of the two of us, you would be the one most uncomfortable if they were around. It  _ is _ your birthday after all. It could be fun. Relaxing too.”

“Eren,” Levi was feeling warm now and not all of the heat came from embarrassment over Mr. Jaeger writing a prescription for their sex life, “is taking me in your childhood bed a fantasy for you?”

Eren shrugged. “Maybe a little bit.” He fidgeted for a moment and ducked his head. “Okay, yes. It just feels somehow extra risqué.”

“Like your name has been put on the naughty list twice? Fucking eh.” Levi put his hand out. “Let’s go make your Christmas wish come true then.”

***

Eren showered and opted to redress himself in his boxers and hoodie instead of slapping on a towel. Levi deserved to unwrap more than a box of tea on his birthday.

Eren found Levi also dressed in boxers and a T-shirt in his bedroom. He was looking over the objects of Eren’s childhood that still clung to his walls and cluttered his desk. He thumbed through a volume of manga.

“Do you only read things that are mainly pictures?”

“That is art.” Eren rested his head on Levi’s shoulder.

“This piece of art has tits the size of Furlan’s head. You sure you’re gay?”

“Men who aren’t sexually interested in women can still appreciate a feminine figure. Plus being able to read images is a form of reading, and the manga usually gets you further ahead than the anime. Some anime might never get another season and some might takes years to get the next—”

“Eren, I’m just pulling your leg.” Levi shelved the volume.

“You wanna pull—”

“But I can pull something else of yours.”

Eren laughed, “You bastard. You stole that from me.”

“Then be quicker, brat.”

They decided to sort out their differences on Eren’s bed, with Levi driving his point home on top of him. Eren groaned, but somewhere along the way it turned into a chuckle. 

Levi flicked his nose. “What are you laughing about?”

“I was just thinking how you called me a teenager earlier and how we’re in my parents’ house, making out on my bed. I feel like I’m 16 again, is all.”

Levi contemplated something then began moving his hips again. “You were getting hot and heavy at 16 then?”

“Yeah—well, no. I—oh, that felt good, do it again—I was probably a bit younger. But I didn’t hit my stride until 16, 17.” Eren wrapped one leg around the back of Levi’s to get a better angle. “What about you?”

Levi kissed down Eren’s throat. “I didn’t start having sex until my early twenties.”

“Twenties…that’s only a— _ ah _ —a couple years ago then?”

“You sound surprised.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t judging you. Everybody in their own time. I shouldn’t have assumed— _ oh fuck _ .”

Levi bucked once into him and kissed Eren hard enough he sank half an inch deeper into the pillow.

“Like fuck I was going to bring anyone home with Kenny around. And yeah, I had some shit to work out before I felt okay doing it.” Levi wrapped his leg around Eren’s to keep him from moving. Eren was trying to listen to Levi’s story, but for some reason his dick getting hard made his ears stop doing their primary function. It seemed all they were good for now was warming the sides of his head.

“I had this therapist years ago and when I told him I started having sex, he said I was cured,” Levi said as he slipped a hand up Eren’s hoodie to play with his nipple. “What an ass. It’s more like a chronic pain than a cold. Most days I don’t feel it, but every once in a while, it just comes on. To be fair, he wasn’t a trauma therapist, but he also didn’t tell me that upfront.”

“Levi, I-I’m having trouble concentrating on what you’re saying,” Eren said. “Should we stop for a—?”

“Nah, you’re alright. I’m just venting.” Levi ducked his head under the hoodie and swapped his fingers for his teeth and tongue.

“Okay, but I just—oh  _ gods _ —just want you to know your feelings are valid.” Eren was aiming to rub Levi’s shoulder, but he forgot how short he was and ended up petting his ribs, which must have tickled because Levi laughed around his nipple. Eren said, “What a prick.”

“You mean my therapist was a prick or are you—”

“And I mean what a prick you have.” Eren laughed. “Got you. Be quicker, Napoleon.”

“Fucker, don’t steal my jokes,” Levi said with his own chuckle. “They’re all I’ve got.”

“Not true. Didn’t I just say what a—” The rest of Eren’s words were cut off when Levi pulled the bottom of Eren’s hoodie up over his face. He couldn’t see through the thick cotton, but he felt his boxers sliding off and then Levi’s mouth on him. 

Levi was being slow, dragging his tongue up in a little under ten seconds and only going back down when his lips could press together to kiss the tip. Eren squirmed, but Levi still had his leg locked up.

“Levi…isn’t it supposed to be  _ your _ birthday? Shouldn’t I…?”

“I’m getting plenty out of this,” Levi said when his lips reached the top of Eren’s dick again. “But if you think you’re ready, I suppose you could spread me out on your bed and show me what you’ve learned since you were 16.”

“Fuck, yes.”

Levi pulled Eren’s hoodie off and, with the sunlight bouncing off the snow on the ledge of Eren’s window, the world seemed too bright for a moment. Through squinted eyes, Eren could see Levi’s boxers were tented and he was able to find the edge of his shirt to clumsily pull it off him. Eren kissed up from his belly button to his nipple, tonguing and sucking on his body. He was looking for every sensitive spot, every patch that hitched Levi’s breath, and every bit of skin that would goosebump at his touch. Maybe Eren wasn’t the most eloquent and maybe his bleeding heart did drip too thick from his tongue, but he still wanted to impress just how much he loved him. How grateful he was that he was here, in his bed and on this earth. In the last couple days, these past 20 minutes of them rolling around on Eren’s bed were the most relaxing he had had. Eren didn’t have to worry about Levi being freaked or stressed out. He didn’t have to think about his father ducking a finger beneath his glasses to dry his tears. Or Zeke clumsily performing open-heart surgery on himself and Eren in his parents’ living room. Or how his mother, his iron-willed mother, was willing to try again not only with Grisha but Zeke too.  _ Stop. It’s Levi’s birthday. Focus on his needs, dumbass. _

By the time Eren had moved on to his other nipple, Levi was pulling his own boxers off. “Eren, let me lay down. You have lube and condoms?”

“Yeah, just a second. They’re in my bag.”

When Eren came back to the bed, he paused. Levi was just laying there, flat on his stomach. He didn’t check on where Eren was in the room or what he was doing. He simply lay naked and still. It would have been easy for some to see Levi’s sculpted fighter’s body and small frame, and simply think what a tight fuck he’d be. Or hear his unpolished words and see his muscles put to work, and think what a brute he was. And he could be, when he needed to or wanted to be. Here in the glow of the early afternoon light and quiet of Eren’s empty childhood home, Levi looked peaceful. In the couple years he had known him, he’d seen Levi angry, amused, sad, drunk, hurt, turned on, grossed out, but never unguarded like this. Eren felt heat that wasn’t entirely sexual run the circuit of his body.

Eren was reminded of when he had come to pick Levi up the other day. Levi met him at the door as he was about to knock, so he must have been watching for him.  _ How did I not realize that then? _ Levi ushered him in, told him to be quiet, and said, “Isabel and Furlan are home. We’re finding out who’s winning this bet.”

Eren forgot at first what bet he was talking about. Furlan was coming down the hallway. Levi had steered Eren out of sight, kissed him, and then jogged over to Furlan.

“Hey Levi,” Furlan yawned as he clattered dishes in the kitchen. “Eren’s coming to pick you up soon, right? Have fun with Kuchel and the Jaegers, shithead.”

“Thanks, fuckwad. Before Eren gets here, there’s something I need to tell you,” Levi said. Eren could see him leaning on the island while Furlan put his dirty dishes in the sink.

“If it’s about the dishes, I’ll get to them. Just give me a second to wake up. Isabel,” Furlan sighed, “she’s only been up for an hour and dirtied three bowls already. She can never decide which cereal she wants so she has all of them, but in separate bowls.”

“I’m not here to bitch about your shitty cleaning,” Levi said. “I want to tell you that I love you.”

Ah, yes. That bet.

Furlan knocked Isabel’s leaning tower of indecisiveness over. “You  _ what _ ?”

“I love you. Appreciate you too, even when you try to break half our dishware.”

Eren threw caution to the wind and peeked around the wall to see Furlan blushing and spluttering. Eren stuck a knuckle in his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

Furlan was shaking his head and inching away as Levi walked around the island towards him. “But what about Eren?”

“I love him too.” Eren thought Levi still sounded stiff saying those words, like he was a bit peckish and there was nothing else to order but a subpar burger.

When Furlan backed himself up against the fridge he put his hands out and Levi stopped.

“Levi, dude. Man, c’mon.” Furlan shook his head. “I’m not—I don’t like—I ain’t gay, motherfucker.”

“Me neither,” Levi said unhelpfully.

“Oh, fuck right off.”

Isabel entered the kitchen with another dirty bowl in hand. “Why are you boys so noisy so early?”

“Levi’s being fucking weird,” Furlan said.

Isabel giggled. “That’s nothing new.”

“The bastard found a way to make it new.” Furlan pointed at Levi. “Tell her what you told me.”

“I was just about to do that, asshole. Isabel, I love you.”

Isabel tilted her head. “You told Furlan that you love me and he freaked out?” She grinned. “Furlan, are you jealous?”

“No.  _ No _ . He didn’t say that,” Furlan spluttered. “He said he loved me. Appreciates me too, the creep.”

Isabel put her spoon in her mouth and mumbled around it, “What’s Eren have to say about this?”

“It was his idea.”

“Oh really?” Isabel pulled the spoon back out with a little pop. “I don’t think it would work.”

“What wouldn’t work?” Both Levi and Furlan asked.

“Well, Eren’s not into women and Furlan’s not into men, so it’s not much of a foursome if Eren can only be interested in you. Oh,” Isabel pointed her spoon at Furlan, “and you said you’re not into me, so I guess Furlan would just be watching. But I don’t know if there’s much point in that either. Furlan, could you get off watching us, you think?”

Eren watched Furlan’s mouth form shapes, but not produce words. Levi decided then was a good time to face Eren and bring him into the conversation. “See? It’s not fucking normal.”

Eren took for granted what normal was. In Levi’s world, saying those three words wasn’t normal. Having casual sex was normal for Levi, but being casual during sex was not. In all their encounters thus far, chasing the happy ending was the goal. This time, something felt different to Eren. Like Levi had settled in. Like he wasn’t hurrying. Like he was okay with Eren taking the lead.

Eren returned and instead of latexing and lubing up, he ran a hand over Levi’s back and down to his butt. Levi made an appreciative noise. It had been a couple years since Eren tried this, but Levi’s vulnerability inspired him. “How do you feel about rim jobs?”

Levi raised his head off the pillow. “Dunno. That’s something I haven’t tried.”

“Would you want to?”

Levi thought for a moment. “Sure. You can use a dental dam, if you like.”

“I’m good without one, if you are.” Eren knelt on the floor. “Knowing you, your ass is probably cleaner than the kitchen counters.”

Levi’s nose wrinkled. “We’re scrubbing the entire kitchen down before cooking.”

Eren put his hands on Levi’s ass and separated him. He breathed hot air on him before running his tongue around his hole.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Levi said quietly. Eren noticed the sheets went taut as Levi balled them up.

“Okay?” Eren asked.

Levi laughed breathily. “Oh yeah.”

Eren kept at it, running his tongue the full distance between his balls and the top of his cheeks. Levi pulled a leg up and grabbed one of his cheeks to free up one of Eren’s hands. Eren thumbed circles on Levi’s flanks.

Nothing had gone according to plan so far and awkward was too mild a term for the interactions Eren’s family had put Levi through. Eren wasn’t mad at his father for speaking to Levi, but he had felt his stomach cramp up as Grisha spoke. What had Levi been thinking through all that? Was he annoyed? Cringing? And, fuck, Zeke. Saying those shitty things to Levi and Levi rolling with it. Eren knew from experience that if you knew how to roll with punches, you had probably been punched before.

Eren straightened his tongue and bobbed in and out. Levi’s hips rocked and he breathed into the mattress.

Of all the emotions swirling in his mind, Eren was able to pick out one that had attached itself to him since his parents had requested them for Christmas. Guilt.

“Eren. Eren.” Levi was reaching back, tapping on the hand massaging his rump. “Can you stop? Whatever you’re doing is fucking great, but if you keep going, I’m going to come.”

“If you want to finish that way, that’s okay with me. We can wash the sheets after.”

“No, I’d like you in me, please.”

If Levi was being dainty with his pleases and thank yous, Eren must have gotten him close. He sort of wished Levi just let him finish him. It was his birthday and, gods, Eren had forgotten about the gifts and the emotions those dragged out of Levi. His parents were too much, they all were too much.

Eren rolled a condom on himself and warmed lube in his hands before slicking Levi up.

“Okay,” Eren said, “and do you want to be on your belly or—”

“I’ll start on my stomach. But don’t just hover above me.” Levi looked over his shoulder. “I want to feel your fucking ribs expanding into my back.”

“Okay. Just let me know—”

“I’ll let you know if I can’t breath. Just get in.”

After a couple slow thrusts, Eren lightly laid himself over Levi. Despite Eren having a bit of a penchant for pain, going hard on someone else was challenging for him. Levi had no concerns. He reached back for Eren’s arms and stacked them in front of his own face. Eren became something like a turtle shell, one that he tried his best to keep filled with air.

“You know, breathing requires that you exhale too. It’s like eating and never taking a shit,” Levi said.

“Luckily, I don’t need to take a shit,” Eren said in a slightly wheezy voice as he tried to expend as little air as possible speaking.

Eren wasn’t expecting Levi to poke him in the armpit. He laughed and crumpled over top of him. Funnily enough, Levi didn’t burst under Eren’s entire weight and breathing had its benefits, like being able to breathe.

“Would you look at that? I’m still alive,” Levi deadpanned. “A fucking Christmas miracle.”

Eren could feel Levi’s back contracting through the giggles that were wracking his own upper body. “Why are your jokes so stupid?”

“I cater to my audience.”

Eren chuckled into Levi’s shoulder. “You think it’s smart to tease the guy on top of you?”

“It is when I’m trying to get him to go harder on me. C’mon,” Levi egged him on, “this is your fantasy, right? Are you going to hang me gently or nail me to the fucking mantel?”

“Mantel?” Eren paused to ask.

“Like a stocking, shithead.” Levi bumped his hips back to get Eren going again. “Gods know all I’m getting is coal this year. You need to stick me there hard.”

Eren furrowed his brows. “It’s Christmas Day. Santa has already come.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t yet.”

Eren buried his face in his neck while Levi interlaced their fingers and kissed along the parts of Eren’s arms that he could reach. Eren was fairly certain Levi was doing and saying these things for his benefit. He had probably noticed Eren was all over the place, trying to make sure nobody felt neglected. Levi had tried talking to him, which normally, Eren would love and appreciate, but he was worried Levi wasn’t having a good time and talking would probably lead to Eren being emotional. Eren being emotional would lead to Levi being upset, which was what worried Eren and the snake would just keep eating its tail. Eren couldn’t be certain what Levi’s Christmas normal was, but catastrophe wasn’t Eren’s norm and he wouldn’t let it be the foundation for their first Christmas together.

He pumped harder and Levi met his thrusts. Air for words now seemed like a luxury. Levi’s grip was biting into Eren’s forearms.

Eren breathed, “Start on your…stomach you said, right? What about finishing? I’m…close.”

Levi nodded and raised his head. “Hold on, brat. Back out for a second.”

With great self-control, Eren pulled out. He had barely lifted his chest off him before Levi about-faced and took out Eren’s left arm and leg to climb on top of him. Even Eren wasn’t sure if the air that escaped his lungs was from the force or excitement of being flipped. But the breathy groan when Levi lined Eren’s cock up and pressed him back in was definitely excitement.

Eren grabbed the edges of the mattress and clenched his core muscles. He was trying not to come while Levi was only just getting a rhythm going again.  _ It’s HIS birthday, not yours, Eren. You can wait, dammit!  _ Eren lay and watched Levi move up and down. Levi’s teeth were gritted and after every couple thrusts downwards, he’d let out a louder breath. Beads of sweat were forming about his neck. After a couple more agonizing thrusts, finally, Levi began stroking himself with the speed of a snail with a limp.  _ Stupid jiu-jitsu bullshit stamina! His birthday, NOT YOURS. _

Eren jerked, lurching Levi forward. Eren gripped the sheets between his toes and tried to collect himself. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“Eren,” Levi stared down at him, picking up the pace to a snail going for a jog, “just come.”

“No, it’s your— _ fuck _ .” Eren squirmed as Levi clenched around him and pitched forward, finally showing some sign that the end was nigh. 

Levi grabbed Eren’s hands and placed them on his hips. “To the  _ fucking _ mantel.”

Eren’s conscience could grab the self-berating stick and go to town on his mind later. His dick had both hands on the controls and used them to keep Levi still while he thrusted up into him. 

“Shit,” Levi said, bouncing and tugging faster on himself. With two more precise and decisive thrusts, Eren came, noisily. If his parents had been enjoying afternoon tea in the living room, surely they would have looked up and wondered if Eren had stubbed his toe.

Levi shakily detached himself from Eren. He couldn’t sit up and rub himself off without tipping left or right. Eren sat up on his elbows and cupped Levi’s ass, guiding him towards his mouth.

“No,” Levi said, “I want to kiss you after. No fucking stumbling to the bathroom to brush your teeth.”

“Okay, on me then. Can you sit back?” Eren gently pushed Levi back to lean up against his knees and took over pumping him.

“The mess.” Levi was panting and the muscles in his thighs clenching.

“I don’t give a shit. In fact, it’s the opposite of giving a shit. Consider my chest a welcome mat.”

“ _ Fuck _ . Fine. Faster, Eren, please.” 

Eren had always been a sucker for respectful language.

Levi arched his spine and pushed his bangs back as finally,  _ finally _ , he came. Not as noisily, but with many more explicatives. If Eren’s parents had been passing by the bedroom door, surely they would have blushed and quietly headed back down the stairs. Eren had no regrets about the splattering his stomach and chest received. In fact, if he wasn’t already spent, the sight probably would have been enough to get him off again.

“Holy shit, Levi.”

“I fucking warned you.” Levi was sitting on Eren’s stomach and leaning back against his legs. The only muscles that were working were the ones about his ribs. The rest of him was limp. Well, going limp. “When I get worked up, the mess gets bigger. Fucking disgusting.”

Eren looked down at his chest. “Speak for yourself. I might upgrade you from Napoleon to Pollock.”

Levi grabbed his boxers off the floor and chucked them at Eren. “Shit, sorry. I was aiming for your chest.”

They landed on Eren’s face and they both laughed. Levi wiped Eren down while kissing him.

“Hey,” Levi side stepped off of Eren and lay next to him, “I love you. Are you going to laugh about it?”

“No,” Eren turned onto his side too, “you don’t sound as wooden anymore. You’re a real boy now, Pinocchio.”

“Imagine the splinters after fucking a puppet.” Levi lovingly stroked Eren’s side. 

“Yeah, butt hurt city,” Eren cooed.

“Where I’m from, we just call it The Underground.”

Eren chuckled. He ran a hand over Levi’s flank. “Speaking of butt hurt city, how do you feel?”

“I’m fine. I’d tell you if I wasn’t and you’d stop. It was nice to see you let loose.”

The euphoria was simmering down and the thoughts of all that had happened in the last half a day trickled back in again. “Yeah, I guess I was just thinking...hey, did you see Zeke again after your fight?”

“You were thinking of Zeke while pounding into me?”

“No. I didn’t mean—those were two separate thoughts.” Eren slapped a hand to his forehead. He could feel his face beginning to burn.

“I was teasing, Eren.” Levi grabbed his hand. “No, I only saw him at the fight and briefly after it. Why?”

“When Zeke was being an ass, he mentioned something that made it sound like you talked.”

Levi laughed through his nose. “‘Talk’ is too strong of a word. I tracked him down right after the fight, told him he was an asshole, that he shouldn’t have brought his drama into our fight, and that you’re a good guy. I think I told him to fuck off too. Not exactly a life changing speech.”

Eren’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry our drama affected your fight.”

“No, don’t.” Levi’s lip curled. He shook his head. “It didn’t really. I think the results would have been the same for the fight, even if you never set foot in Erwin’s dojo. He’s got skills, but is pretty easy to piss off.”

“Fine, then thanks.”

“For what?”

“For talking to Zeke.”

Levi looked at him blankly. Eren continued, “Just before they left, my dad said after the fight, Zeke calmed down, which was the opposite of what everyone expected. He stopped telling bullshit lies and started taking counselling seriously. He said he wanted to apologize to me and mom. Get to know us, if we would let him. I don’t think he came to that conclusion on his own.”

Levi’s face remained neutral. “How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know yet.” Sad, angry, confused, at war with his bleeding-heart morality. Tired. 

He pressed his face into Levi’s chest. Most of the tiredness wasn’t from the sex, but he did feel more relaxed.

“Eren?”

Eren jolted. He had nodded off long enough for a little pool of drool to form on the mattress. “Hmm?”

“Sorry, I thought you were awake.” Levi stroked his hair. “We can talk later. Go back to sleep.”


	3. I May Yet Change These Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s wrap this bitch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Emotional turmoil

“Eren, for fuck’s sake. It’s supposed to be a pattern. You’ve got a slice of eggplant on either side of the tomato.”

“What—no.” Eren peeled back the last couple veggies in the pan. He froze. “Oh, fuck. I think I did the whole thing like that. I didn’t know there was a difference.”

“You can’t tell zucchini from eggplant?” Levi gave Eren a skeptical look as he wiped down the front of his apron.

“I thought eggplant was purple.”

“They can be green too. I bought green ones.”

“Why? That makes it confusing.” Eren glared at the pan.

“Because it’s fucking Christmas.”

“What’s eggplant got to do with Christmas?”

“ _ Green _ eggplant.  _ Red _ tomatoes. Get the colour scheme yet?”

Levi picked the pieces of sliced vegetables out of the saucy pan and dumped them in Eren’s hands. “Start again.”

“Stupid green eggplant,” Eren muttered as he slapped the veggies back down in the proper order.

Levi washed and dried his hands. He slapped Eren’s ass as he made his way over to the stove. “The only reason you know what an eggplant is is because it’s the emoji you use the most.”

“Only because you use the peach one so often.”

Levi looked over his shoulder to smirk at him. “Eren, now you’ve got two zucchini around the tomato.”

“Fuck whoever invented ratatouille.”

“That would be the French.”

There was the noise of the door being opened and people stomping their feet to shake the snow from their boots. Grisha called out, “Boys, we’re home.”

“We’re in the kitchen,” Eren yelled, an octave higher than normal.

Levi looked over his shoulder at Eren who was contemplating each piece of vegetable so thoroughly, it looked more like he was playing chess than cooking. He had thought that after having sex and a nap that whatever screws were wound into Eren’s mind might have loosened some.

Levi had meant to have a heart to heart with Eren after he woke up, but either the gods were conspiring against them or Eren was. 

Eren had awoken, peacefully it had seemed. He had made to press against Levi, but Levi reminded him he hadn’t showered yet. Eren had leapt out of bed. At first Levi thought Eren was enthusiastic about hygiene, but he was actually jilted by the clock. Time, the fickle bitch, had continued ticking while Eren slept.

“We haven’t put the turkey in,” Eren babbled as he pulled on boxers.  _ Levi’s _ boxers. The one’s had used to clean his love’s labour off of Eren.

Levi paled. “Eren, wait.”

Eren was already thudding down the stairs. Levi tossed the sheets off his body and pulled his sweatpants on. 

“Fucking dramatic brat.” As far as Levi was concerned, wearing jizz covered boxers near a turkey was just as bad as fucking next to it. 

So, when Grisha asked them, “Oh yes? What are you getting up to?” Levi had wondered if Grisha had also considered that the bird might be compromised. And, if he thought there was even a 1% chance of that being true, would he still eat it? Levi turned away from the pots beginning to boil on the stove top and looked out the kitchen window just in case his gag reflex decided to kick in. 

Eren must have also thought Grisha was delicately asking if they were decent because he blushed and yelled back a tad aggressively, “We’re making your dinner.”

“Is there anything I can help with?” Carla appeared in the kitchen, her cheeks still rosy from the walk up the drive. She laughed and took out her phone to snap a picture of them. “You’re wearing aprons and everything. You look adorable.”

Levi shrugged. “It’s easier to clean up. Plus some things don’t wash out.”

“True, and Eren manages to make a mess wherever he goes.” She picked something out of Eren’s bangs. “How did you get onion in your hair?”

“I don’t know. Probably by slicing onion.”

Carla, still holding the piece between her fingers, looked to Levi.

Levi said, “He was tearing up and thought hacking at them would get it done quicker, but he just mangled them. I made him do it again.”

“He’s also making me relayer the ratatouille because apparently eggplants aren’t always purple.” Eren flipped Levi off behind his mother’s back and Levi responded lovingly in kind. They swiftly sheathed their rudeness when Carla looked up.

“Oh, honey.” Carla kissed the side of Eren’s head. “If you hadn’t cocked it up the first time, then you wouldn’t have to do it again. And don’t complain. I didn’t raise a little bitch.”

Levi snickered and had to fight not to burst out laughing. Eren looked scandalized.

“Mom, that’s a fairly gendered insult. And Levi, I thought  _ you _ wanted to make this specifically for the family.” Eren gestured at the half-formed ratatouille before him.

Levi shrugged. “I made everything else. And I mostly made the one we made with Kuchel, so I figured you could use the practice.”

Carla washed her hands and draped a towel over her shoulder before joining Eren in layering the veggies. “We’ll just neaten up these rows here. So, who’s Kuchel?”

Eren began speaking in a cautionary tone. “Mom, it’s—”

“She’s my mother,” Levi said, pushing off the counter to tend to one of the pots on the stovetop that was about to boil over.

“Eren, you’ve met Levi’s family?” Carla asked. “I hope you were polite.”

“Mom—”

“Kuchel adores Eren. She thinks he’s sweet.” Levi said, returning to lean against the counter beside Eren. “And Kenny, well his opinion doesn’t matter.”

“And Kenny is?” Carla asked.

“My uncle. He raised me.”

Carla’s clever eyes swivelled over him. He felt like an overworked elf who just escaped Santa’s workshop only for the searchlights to flash over him.

“I’m sorry to have deprived your family of their son. You could have been cooking for them tonight.”

Eren was neglecting his duties to the ratatouille and wringing the neck of a wooden spoon. “Mom, I don’t think—”

“She had a shift early this morning and picked up another one this evening. And we’ll probably see Kenny tonight, unfortunately.”

“Oh, that’s too bad about your mother. She could have come over here. Your uncle would be more than welcome though.”

“That’s a dangerous thing to say,” Levi chuckled. Purposely inviting Kenny over would be about as logical to do as inviting a hillbilly vampire into a house where every victim was drunk on moonshine. Kenny would have a field day embarrassing Levi and draining everyone else of every last ounce of human decency.

Carla flashed him a smile. “I like a challenge. I could probably have him saying his pleases and thank yous for every small favour.”

When it came to beautiful, willful women, Kenny had a weak chin. Carla could KO him with one command to take his boots off at the door. Considering Carla and Grisha had only just gotten back in their love boat, Levi didn’t think introducing hurricane Kenny would help smooth out the ride.

“Mother,” Eren said heatedly.

“Eren,” Carla replied sternly.

Eren aggressively laid a piece of zucchini down and it splattered the tomato sauce. “Stop interrogating my boyfriend.”

“I’m not interrogating Levi. I’m getting to know him. Besides, your father had him to himself for almost an hour last night.”

Levi took the pieces of veggies out of Eren’s hands before they got thrown down or any other direction. “Eren, go wash up.”

“I’m not done yet.”

“This will go faster with me and Carla. And you just splashed tomato sauce on your hoodie.” Levi pointed at his sleeve. 

“I did? Oh fuck.” Eren held his sleeve out like he was serving himself for Christmas dinner. Levi wouldn’t complain about that menu, but he had said he would serve the Jaegers and not the other way around. “I’ll wash it off and be right back.”

The last part of his sentence seemed to be targeted at Carla. She countered by saying, “If you could get the laundry started, that would be lovely too.”   
“Mom—”

“Make sure to separate them properly. And don’t forget to check all the pockets. Grisha is notorious for forgetting he has pens in his pockets.” Carla said with a knowing look at Levi. “He’s ruined a couple of my blouses.”

Eren stared at his mother while she wiped down the counter and hummed  _ Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas _ . He looked to Levi who shooed him on. He would be fine with Carla. They’d already broken the rule about sticking together and no one had been driven to reenact  _ Black Christmas _ yet. Levi hoped Eren could find doing laundry relaxing. Levi certainly did, imaging the suds soaking into the clothes and carrying off stains and stink. Levi doubted Eren or anyone else in the greater Paradis region felt that way, but he could dream.

Levi and Carla made quick work of the last bit of layering.

“I really wasn’t trying to interrogate you,” Carla said, pulling out another bowl for Levi to make the seasoning in.

“I didn’t think you were.” Levi poured the various oils and herbs in and stirred them gently.

“Though, I have to admit, my intentions aren’t entirely innocent.”

When Levi looked up at her, he scented the first whiffs of danger. Her brows were set and eyes focused on him. Levi knew that look and not because he had a mother, but because he had an Eren. Eren would wear the same expression when arguing about one of the many thousand injustices that enraged him. Only Eren’s wrath was a toddler’s crayon scribbles compared to the finessed ferocity of her face.

“I don’t believe in mother’s intuition. I think all that really is is good social skills and the ability to listen. I suppose being on texting terms with my child’s best friends also helps.” Carla put her hands on her hips. Levi recognized this power move. Erwin did it all the time at his dojo and it was enough to silence the room without saying a word. The best Levi could do was stand up straighter and resist the urge to not fold his arms. “I had an interesting conversation with Mikasa around the time of your match with Zeke. She mentioned not knowing which person she would be cheering for, which I thought odd, given that I’ve seen roadkill in better shape than Eren after their encounter. Why wouldn’t she want to cheer for one of Eren’s karate friends?”

Levi finally understood why Eren had been so stressed about them visiting for the holidays. Why he had bought him a gift despite their ground rules. And why he had dusted every knickknack and shelf they sat on in his bedroom. Mothers were real and they were terrifying. And Levi thought it would be Grisha that gave him a hard time. He could hear Eren’s voice in his mind telling him off about assuming gender roles.

“What do you want to know?” Levi asked, putting the utensils down and facing Carla. In some ways, Levi wished it was Grisha glowering at him. Eren had Carla’s face and looking at her now pierced him in ways nobody else could. He hoped Eren never looked at him with this much hostility. He also felt sympathy for Eren because Levi had once looked at him like this. No wonder he had cried.

“I don’t want to know anything and I don’t need to know anything about what you did in the past,” she finally said. “Eren is an adult and, so long as he isn’t hurting himself or others, it’s not my place to know unless he wants me to.”

Carla frowned at the ground and shook her head. “I’ve seen Eren come home with black eyes, bloody noses, and even bite marks, and not fun ones. The day I saw him after Zeke hurt him was the roughest yet, but not just because of the stitches and bruises. He looked defeated. I saw my son truly hurt emotionally for the first time. His first heartbreak and it happened while he was laid out in the hospital.”

Carla viciously thumbed tears from her eyes. “He was in pain and thank the gods for Mikasa and Armin. They at least came through for him while everyone else, myself and Grisha included, didn’t.”

“You were rattled by Zeke too,” Levi offered, but he trailed off when she sharply shook her head.

“No, that’s not what this is about. This is about Eren. How he…” She shook her head again. “I don’t know how to describe it. I just keep thinking of the night he was hospitalized. Both Grisha and I rushed to see him. When I saw Grisha, I saw red bloody red. I got into it with him. The nurses were doing a damn good job of pulling us apart, but it was Eren that got us to stop. He was groggy and limping, but he pulled himself into the hallway and yelled at us that we were disturbing the other patients.”

Levi, despite the pain of hearing how badly Eren had been beaten, let out a dry laugh. Yeah, that sounded like Eren. Clumsy, messy, but ultimately good intentioned. Carla chuckled too.

“He’s amazing,” Levi said simply. Amazing seemed too benign a word, but he couldn’t think of anything better that didn’t involve profanity. 

“He’s self-sacrificing, and I hate it,” Carla said with so much love. “People take advantage of that.”

Levi crossed his arms and also found sudden interest in the linoleum. He was fairly certain he was people. “I fucked up before. I didn’t understand Eren and I didn’t want to. That’s not how I feel now.”

Carla raised a hand. “I said I don’t need to know the details. For the record, when I asked Eren, he said it was a mutual misunderstanding.”

Carla’s expression softened. “When Eren mentioned your name again a couple weeks ago, I felt anger at first. Why would he put himself in the line of fire again? But I realized that was hypocritical. After all, I’m talking to Grisha again.”

Levi said nothing. He had wondered the same. Why had Eren given him a second chance? He didn’t think it was pity, nor did he think Eren liked pain that much. There was a difference between jabbing the sensitive cluster of nerves in his armpit and curb stomping his heart. The best explanation would be that Eren genuinely loved Levi and didn’t want to lose him over something minute. The worst explanation was that Eren didn’t have self-worth and was happy to be Levi’s emotional hacky sack so long as Levi would have him in his life. Eren no doubt loved him now, but they hadn’t been together then. Levi suspected the truth lay somewhere between the two points. 

Carla dropped a hand from her hip. “I came back to Grisha because I love him and I do believe we can heal and grow from what happened.”

Levi said, and he hoped he didn’t sound wooden, “I don’t know what I’m doing, but I...I like where Eren and I are and where we’re going.”

He was trying to prove that, but he wasn’t certain his intentions were bleeding through. Eren had been treating Levi like he was a nuclear weapon being transported through a volcano. Levi knew he wasn’t going to explode, but Eren didn’t. Where had that dissonance come from?

“You coming here helps. The way Eren spoke, it sounded like you didn’t want to meet us, but based on how Eren has been acting, I think it’s more that he doesn’t want to spook you off.”

That made sense. Considering Levi had gone nuclear on Eren when he asked to be in Levi’s corner during his fight with Zeke, no wonder Eren was nervous to ask things of him now.  _ Shit. What do I do? _

“By the way, Levi. I heard most of what happened with Zeke today. Thank you for stepping in when Eren was overwhelmed,” Carla said, pouring the seasoning over the ratatouille with a neat flick of her wrist. “Zeke...I don’t know how to feel about him yet. I think he’s a monster, but I don’t think he wants to be. I also think he doesn’t know how not to be one. And Eren... ”

“Yeah.” Levi got what she meant. There were rats sugar high on fruitcake with more peace of mind than Eren.

Carla pointed at the dish. “Is this okay to go in with the turkey? If not, I can get the convection oven warmed up.”

“It’s fine to go in with the bird.”

She asked after closing the oven. “Are we done now?”

“With the food or conversation?” Levi asked. Carla smiled and Levi might have let a corner of his mouth tug up too. Levi asked, “So, are you going to be ‘keeping an eye on me’?”

“Like a fly on shit.”

Levi laughed. “Aren’t you a bit too prim to say shit like that? You’re wearing a goddamn Christmas brooch, for Sina’s sake.”

“I worked at a bar on the edge of The Underground before I met Grisha.” She smirked as she smoothed down her skirt. “I picked up a couple things.”

“Hopefully none of those things were men.” Levi leaned back against the counter. “We’re all drunken bastards, y’know.”

Carla giggled as she walked over to the sink. Or he had thought that was where she was headed. Levi tensed as she put her arms around him and held him tight. He thought it was funny how the only people in his recent past, or really since childhood, to hold him like this both happened to be Jaegers. He had no complaints.

“Be good to him,” she whispered. “Or else.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

“MOM.” Eren was in the kitchen doorway.

“Eren!” Grisha called from somewhere down the hallway. “Don't yell at your mother!”

“She’s overwhelming, Levi. You both have been since we got here.”

Grisha appeared next to Eren, looking slightly put out. “We didn’t mean to, son.”

Carla pulled away. “I did mean to a bit.”

“Huh.” Grisha slid his hands into his pockets and stared at his wife.

“We should set the table,” Levi said, opening a drawer he knew contained cutlery. Carla took it from him.

“Grisha and I will do that. You boys finish up in here. We’ll say dinner is in about an hour?”

Levi nodded. “Sounds fine to me, Carla. Eren, grab a broom. I’ve been treading on onion all this time. And do you have an extra long mop? I don’t know how you managed it, but there’s tomato puree on the ceiling.”

***

After facing off with three different Jaegers over the course of Christmas Eve and Day, dinner was as easy as a polished toboggan ripping down an icy slope, and about just as much fun. They filled their stomachs with too much food then filled in any other space with several glasses of wine. Carla kept snapping pictures and egged Eren on to dotting Levi’s nose with whipped cream. Eren’s sloshed brain thought that was an excellent idea until five seconds after the fact when he snorted pie up his nose. Eren was already laughing by the time he realized Levi had sacrificed all of his dessert on sweet revenge. Well, almost all of it. Levi got a taste when he kissed Eren. Carla snapped more pictures and laughed hard enough she cried. Grisha just cried.

Just as Eren was starting to feel that Levi wouldn’t go belly up in this new domestic environment, they had to clean up and get ready to head over to Levi’s. Mikasa and Armin would be stopping by to pick them up in Armin’s parents’ car for further meetings of worlds and birthday adventures. Eren was excited to introduce his friends to Levi’s, but he was also jittery. What if they couldn’t find anything in common? What if they had things in common, but had different opinions? Oh gods, Armin loved thought-provoking and artistic anime, but Eren was fairly certain Isabel watched mainly BL. What if they went to war in Levi’s living room? Mikasa would probably win, but they would all lose. And Furlan really  _ really _ liked dogs, but Eren was fairly certain Mikasa was a cat person. They were all fucked.

“Eren, your bangs are dripping,” Mikasa remarked as Eren and Levi piled into the back seat behind her and Armin.

“He was a bit pie-eyed,” Levi offered. 

Eren leaned on his shoulder and laughed when he was fairly certain he wanted to cry. 

“Gods, it wasn’t that funny,” Levi said, thumping Eren’s back.

Armin and Mikasa were both sober and sane, so they shared a vaguely concerned look. Armin decided it was best to crank the volume on his parents’ station wagon, blasting them with alternative versions of classic Christmas tunes.

  
  


***

_ It will be fine. What if they hate one another? That’s fine too. IS it? NO NOT REALLY _ , Eren thought as he led Mikasa and Armin up the drive. Levi was already at the door, fumbling in his pockets for his keys and cursing out his roommates for not leaving it unlocked. Just as Levi got his keys in the lock, Furlan opened the door.

“You knew you were having company, so why lock the door?” Levi complained.

“To piss you off, of course,” Furlan said, giving Levi a one-armed hug. “Merry Christmas, shithead.”

“Go fuck a pine tree.” Levi clapped him on the back. “I love you.”

“Don’t fucking start that again.” Eren could see Furlan’s cheeks were growing red as he pushed Levi away. Levi stalked off into the house. Furlan turned to Eren and his friends. “Hey Eren. Mikasa and Armin, right?”

They confirmed they were who they were. Furlan took everyone’s coats and led them to the living room where Levi and Isabel were quietly chatting. 

Furlan jabbed a thumb in Levi’s direction. “Did this one behave himself while he was away?”

Eren grabbed at his bangs and ground his heel into his forehead. “Levi was fine, but my parents swarmed him. And Zeke…”

“Zeke was there?” Pretty much everyone asked in various tones of concern and surprise.

Furlan gave Levi a stern look. “You better not have started anything with him.”

“But if you did you have to tell me exactly how it went down,” Isabel said. “I could draw up a legit holiday design based on it. All I could do right now is embroider a little Santa hat on him.” She held out the front of her sweater. Indeed, gorilla Zeke now had a little red cap with a fluffy white pom pom.

Mikasa got up close. “This is beautiful.”

Isabel grinned. “You like that much? You can have it.”

Isabel began wiggling out of the hoodie. Eren felt his heart leap into his throat. “Isabel, you don’t have to give her your sweater  _ off your back _ .”

She tossed it at Mikasa who, despite staring at Isabel with mild confusion, caught it effortlessly in one hand.

“Aw, it’s fine, Eren. It’s the only one with a hat. Besides, I think it makes her happy.”

Mikasa was staring down at it like it was the swaddling of baby Jesus.

Meanwhile, Furlan had gotten Armin a beer and they were watching the doffing and donning of Christmas Zeke. Furlan called, “Isabel, make sure you put a sweater on. You’ll freeze otherwise.” To Armin he said, “I lowered the temperature of the house because idiots plus alcohol usually results in more hot air than usual. Especially when the alcohol is something called gingerbread jungle juice. I recommend staying away from Isabel’s concoction.”

Armin sipped his beer. “I bet you could make an equation to determine the optimal temperature based on the number of idiots and the amount of alcohol consumed.”

“Oh yeah?” Furlan laughed, Eren thought a bit nervously. He walked over to them, about to explain that Armin was joking or he thought he was. Even after knowing him for a couple decades, it was still hard to tell whether something was a joke or math with Armin.

“Do you have a way to account for Levi’s fucked internal thermostat?” Furlan asked, pointing at his best friend as he forced a fresh hoodie backwards onto Isabel and covered her face with the hood. “He’ll workout shirtless in the basement and then come upstairs wearing three layers and complain the house is too cold.”

“Hm. Maybe I could include the Eren formula to account for Levi. It’s a bit arbitrary, sort of like moving the hands of the doomsday clock back and forth, but it gives some indication how close Eren is to meltdown.”

Furlan looked like he was trying to hold back his curiosity, but couldn’t help asking, “About how far away is Eren from midnight now?”

Armin sized Eren up. “I’d say about five minutes.”

“Armin,” Eren said, trying to sound hours away from midnight, “you like dogs, right?”

Armin shrugged. “Sure. You know, Mikasa is sort of the same as Levi,” Armin said, turning back to Furlan. “She’ll walk around in her sports bra, but if she’s sitting on the couch, she’s always under a blanket. I don’t argue the logic with her since she can bench press me. Oh, and she’s an Ackerman, which I think you have some familiarity with.”

Furlan gaped. “Ackerman? There’s going to be three under one roof? She can bench press…” Furlan looked down at his own biceps and gave them a disparaging pinch.

Eren was about to tell Furlan that his body was beautiful the way it was and that he himself had given up on matching her strength long ago, but Levi hooked Eren’s arm and dragged him towards the stairs to his bedroom.

“I’m borrowing Eren for a little bit,” Levi said over his shoulder. The women ignored him as Isabel had gone on to graphically illustrate with her own body what it had been like being cage-side during Levi’s fight with Zeke. Armin merely waved. Only Furlan gave Levi an admonishing glance, but he sipped his beer and said nothing.

“We can’t leave our guests,” Eren protested as Levi prodded him down the stairs.

“Sure we can. They’re adults, not toddlers with lighters. Well, everyone except Isabel, that is, but Furlan’s there.”

Eren, still looking over his shoulder despite being out of sight from the living room, anxiously accepted his fate of descending to Levi’s bedroom. It was colder than usual since Levi hadn’t been there for a day, so there was no need to attempt to heat it. Eren knew four little desk lamps scattered around the didn’t actually improve the heat situation, but the incandescent glow made the room feel cozier, even as the corpse-cold concrete ate through his socks. 

The last light Levi turned on was on his bedside table and he retrieved something from the drawer before walking over to Eren. Eren wasn’t sure what was going on and, as sweet as it was to spend some alone time with Levi on Christmas, his mind was divided. He hoped Mikasa wasn’t being too weird upstairs. He hoped Armin wasn’t being too antisocial. He hoped that whatever Levi was about to do hadn’t cost him anything or been forced upon him by Isabel or, more likely, Furlan. Eren could picture Furlan chiding Levi about the no gifts rule, much like how his own mother had chided him to get something for Levi. Eren assumed that was why Levi was pulling him aside.

“I kind of figured our plans and rules would get fucked somehow,” Levi said as he walked back over to Eren with his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, I know.” Eren deflated. Levi had been wonderful. He talked Grisha through a mental crisis while opening up to him. He took abuse from Zeke and, Eren suspected because he knew his mother, some heat from Carla. Eren felt like he had failed to protect Levi from them. That much family was too much for most people to shovel, especially someone who didn’t have much family himself. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Levi seemed to want to say more on that subject, but consulted his toes first. “You know, I wasn’t surprised you ended up getting me something either because you always give too damn much.”

“Levi, it was a box of tea.” Eren awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Maybe the lights did give off substantial heat. It was starting to feel very warm in the basement, particularly right around Eren’s neck and ears.

“Sure, but it was also a gesture. And I’ll try to say this as real boy-ish as possible: I appreciated it.”

Eren was touched by both Levi’s words and the fact that each time he said them, they sounded more and more genuine. He rubbed Levi’s arm. 

“I also wasn’t surprised we broke our rules.” Levi laughed low. “Remember when I said we should wait a bit before having sex and then we preceded to wank each other off twice in one day?”

“To be fair, we only wanked each other off once and dry humped on your couch while watching SpongeBob.”

“Yeah, if I had known what a big anime fan you were, I wouldn’t have been so surprised that Squidward’s tentacles got you hot and bothered.”

Eren pressed his face into Levi’s neck. “That’s not…”

“Are you trying to peek at what I’ve got behind my back, brat?” Levi shifted to shield his hands from view.

Eren backed off. “No, I wasn’t.”  _ Shit, I should have thought to though _ .  _ Dammit, Eren _ .

“I’ve kept you waiting and the suspense is probably greater than the actual gift at this point.”

Eren felt his heart do a couple extra hops and skips. Levi brought his hands out from behind his back and opened his palm. Eren felt his heart stumble and wonder what the hell had tripped it. He was certain it would go back to merrily hopping along once he figured out what Levi was giving him. 

It appeared to be a little toy fox and an old one at that. It looked like someone had scraped off most of its facial features with a toothbrush. It sat upon a small, black, rectangular piece of fabric, like he was riding a magic carpet.

“This is Freduardo. I really scrubbed him down,” Levi said, looking at the little guy. “I wanted to baptize him in bleach, but Furlan thought that might really melt the paint off.”

“Oh?” Eren said because the sometimes-vowel sound he wanted to say might come off as rude.

“A real trash animal.” Levi’s nose wrinkled. “He ended up in a dumpster when a particularly brave raccoon took him out of Isabel’s pocket. She was carrying a peanut butter sandwich in her sweater and the bastard got a free toy with his stolen meal.”

Eren really wasn’t sure where this was going. “Are you...I swear I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but are you gifting me trash?”

“What was it you said to me earlier today? It’s just a small token to show I love and appreciate you, right?” Levi held the toy out. “Take it.”

With a skeptical look, Eren grabbed the little guy by the snout. “ _ Shit _ .” And dropped him by his entirety.

Freduardo was heavier than expected because it was actually a keyring with a single key attached. When Eren picked it up, he noticed that there was some trick to the fabric too. It was well worn, but still a little stiff and thick. He thought he recognized it somehow, but he couldn’t figure it out. His mother had not allowed him to take up sewing and not because she subscribed to sexist ideologies about what little boys should or shouldn’t do. She had denied him that hobby because she feared putting sharp objects in the hands of someone who possessed the talent to maim himself in ways even he couldn’t explain. Suffice to say, Eren wasn’t well acquainted with textiles. The fabric was also embroidered with a symbol in red thread that he certainly wasn’t familiar with. It looked like wings.

“I’m going to be honest,” Eren said, looking his new whatever over, “I’m more confused now than I was before, but thank you. Whatever it is, I love it.”

“It was formerly Isabel’s key to the house,” Levi said slowly, “and now it’s yours.”

“It’s…” The turnstiles of his mind were beginning to click open and form a path to somewhere that looked like a place of understanding. Or maybe it was more accurate to call them aqueducts because things were threatening to flow. 

“I want you to come and go as you please.” Levi stared at the key and Eren stared back at Levi. “You don’t need to ask to be let in or if it’s okay to come over. Stay the night whenever, go when you want, keep clothes here...Basically, I want you around whenever you have the time.”

Before Levi met his gaze, air was already scarce and when he looked at him like that it felt like his lungs couldn’t expand. Maybe the desk lamps were magic. Maybe they burned oxygen and gave off an unseen gas that made eyes sting. “I...Levi…”

“The one other thing.” Levi poked at the piece of fabric. “I’m not an artist, no matter what your disgusting mind thinks. The thread was actually white beforehand but I kept stabbing myself...that was a joke. A shitty one. And Isabel did most of the embroidering because, like with most heartfelt things, I’m shit at it.”

Eren stared into the polyethylene mind of Freduardo, but he had no more insight than Eren did on how to manage the flood of emotions that were beginning to flow through him. When he couldn’t find the words to categorize the natural disaster that was brewing in his body, Levi kept talking.

“When I told Isabel how you made me feel, she thought up this new design with the wings.” Levi let a laugh out his nose. “I thought it was corny, but I probably sounded pretty corny. It still beats Humanity’s Strongest. That stupid title makes it sound like it’s just me on my own and that’s never been the case. At least the wings are in a pair.”

Three little things. They weren’t heavy and yet Eren’s hand was beginning to shake.

“The fabric should be familiar, but not the colour. You haven’t earned your black yet.”

_ Belts _ . Eren was hit by a memory. His first grading. Levi had taken him into the hall, undid his white belt, and made him retie it on his own. This was a piece of Levi’s jiu-jitsu black belt. Levi looked at it, possibly seeing memories of his own. “Don’t tell Kenny I cut a piece off. Burpees and alcohol don’t mix well. I’ve had that belt for years. I didn’t really get serious until I earned it.”

Levi must have noticed Eren’s hand shaking. He supported it with his own. “I feel that way about you too. Like I haven’t earned your love yet, but you give it so damn easily. I wish you would get mad at me sometimes. Tell me I’m an ass because I know I can be.”

Eren shook his head. Man, the lamps depleted words too.

“Seeing you stressed and talking with your family members, even the less evolved one,” Levi stroked Eren’s hand, “made me realize that you’re hurting. And I am part of the source. Not all of it. I’m not that big of shit.”

Eren blinked rapidly. He wanted to say no. That Levi was reading too much into things. That Eren was just high strung. But either emotion had plugged up his throat or a part of him that he’d been ignoring had a fist around his vocal chords. If it was the fist, it was an ironic one because it was denying him speech, but giving Levi the space to say words that Eren wouldn’t let himself say.

“I know when you asked something from me that I didn’t want to do for you, I hurt you.” Levi took such a deep breath in that his shoulders rolled with it. “I told you that there are two types of people, my people and everyone else. Before we got together, you were somewhere between my people and everyone else. You’re not everyone else. Fuck it, you never should have been. You never were, but I thought admitting that would be the end of my career. What I mean is you’re family and family to me means you deal with each other’s shit, not drag them to the fucking door...I hate that I did that to you.

“I fight with Kenny and Furlan all the time. I get mad and they get pissed right back, but it’s okay.” Levi pushed Eren’s bangs back and rested their foreheads together. Eren could feel Levi’s brow tense. “Anger doesn’t mean over. You can get angry with me and I’ll still stick around. Grisha can cry into my shoulder and I’ll still want you. Carla can tear me a new asshole, in fact I could probably use one with how shitful I am, and I won’t run. And Zeke, well, I might actually punch him in the nads, but I won’t get upset with you. I’ll fight with you and for you. Is any of this getting through?”

When Levi tried to pull away, Eren put his free hand on the back of Levi’s neck to keep him there. Through the grip of the fist that was holding onto his vocal chords, he got out, “It is. I just—I’m not angry. Why—?”

“‘Why would you be?’ Yeah, I thought you might say that.” Levi sighed and Eren felt his brow smooth out. “If you don’t have anger to let out, then do something else for me and you. Be selfish.”

Eren was shaking his head again and gripping the keyring so hard that the key’s teeth were biting into him.

“You fight hard for other people. You literally put your body on the line to stand up for others.” Levi gently pulled away. “So put yourself first every once in a while. Show yourself some damn compassion. You should know what it feels like to be loved by you.”

The fist loosened and Eren drew in some of that scarce oxygen. The lamps were affecting gravity too. Eren’s head was so heavy to lift. 

“Eren.” Eren saw Levi’s face go from tender to slightly concerned. “Why are you crying?”

“I…” He looked down to watch a couple drops split splat onto the concrete. There was no blaming the lamps for this one. “I don’t know. I think...I need to sit down.”

“The bed—”

Eren sat down on the floor. It was cold, but very solid. Eren was vaguely aware of Levi rolling out one of his gym mats and half ushering, half pulling him onto it. He heard the flap of Levi’s comforter as he pulled it off the bed and draped it around Eren’s shoulders.

_ Why am I crying? _ Eren couldn’t settle on a reason. His mind was rifling through his memories and pulling out different files to consider. There were documents on his family, showing images of his mother’s rage and his father’s guilt. Evidence bags containing glass from the coffee table Zeke broke and an xray of Eren’s ribs where his half-brother had cracked them. Transcripts of the talks he had had with Zeke with a post-it note reminding Eren to figure out how he actually felt about Zeke being in the family. A series of letters, at first written with cutouts from newspapers to keep some anonymity between them and eventually being put down in Levi’s own hand. And a stack of letters Eren had filled over the years of knowing Levi and never having the courage to send. Maybe if he had told Levi from the start how he felt, they wouldn’t have fought. Maybe they would have stopped fucking. Maybe they would have just been friends. Maybe Eren would have fallen into an easier love. Maybe Levi would have stayed fighting on his own or maybe he would have found someone else too.

“Eren, hey. What do you need? What can I do?” Over the din of his mind putting together a conspiracy board complete with red thread and pushpins, he heard Levi’s slightly panicked voice.

“Sorry, I’m just...thinking. I’m not—I don’t—I can’t—” The last time something like this had happened, Eren had been lying on the couch with Armin and Mikasa.

“Can I hold you?”

“I’m…” Eren gestured to his face, oozing out his mind’s yarn ball of theories from every possible orifice.

“Fuck it. Come here.”

Levi got between his legs and wrapped his arms around him. Despite Eren making strangers with oxygen, the weight and strength of Levi around his chest was comforting. Grounding. Grounding was a better word. Whatever brackish waters he was sinking in, his anchor was hitting bottom.

Eren knew he kept muttering, “I’m sorry,” on repeat, but he also wasn’t aware he was saying it aloud. While his mind was busy making investigations, his body was on auto-pilot.

“Those ‘sorries’ better not be for me.” Levi rubbed the back of Eren’s neck. 

Eren wasn’t sure whom he was apologizing to, if anyone. Maybe to the lamps for thinking so poorly of them. Maybe to his friends awkwardly mingling upstairs. Maybe to that tiny fist uncurling from his chords and reaching out its fingers now.

“I don’t know what to do,” Levi said close to his ear, “but don’t worry. You’re safe here, alright?”

Three months worth of stress, cooked in the pressure cooker of Christmas bled out of Eren. Eren was right. He wasn’t angry. He was hurt. Not from any one thing or person. He had healed some, but what he hadn’t healed, he had limped on, let heal imperfectly, and learned to keep moving on a limb that could no more support his weight than the raccoon could make use of Freduardo.

Eren, as per usual, had rushed head first into everything. Partly because other people were hurting and waiting for his forgiveness. Partly because Eren wanted to get back to happiness. To when he was picking fights with Chads in bars. To when Levi was giving him shit over not knowing how to tie his own belt. To when he thought his dad could never lie to him or his mom feel weak. He was ready to forgive his father. He wasn’t ready to forgive Zeke. He loved Levi.

“Just let it out, Eren. Whatever it is. C’mon, babe.”

Eren pressed his face into Levi’s shoulder and drained himself dry.

***

Levi’s legs were complaining from sitting stiffly on his heels for the better part of 20 minutes, but he didn’t dare move. Besides, Kenny had made him sit through way worse for far less of a reason. 

He recalled a time when he was in Kenny’s dojo, kneeling as his uncle lit into him.

“Just running off like that without telling me. Eh? Where’s your respect?”

Levi had been sitting through Kenny’s tirade for ten minutes already. “Can I speak now?”

“Oh you want to talk now? It’s a bit late for that.” Kenny paced the raggedy mats of his dojo. “Gods, you’ve got nerve, you little shit. You don’t think before you act. You just run into trouble. You could have been beaten. You could have had your arse hauled to the cops,  _ again _ . He could have just had his way with your puny, tight body.”

“For fuck’s sake, Kenny.” Levi glowered. “It was one lesson at Erwin’s dojo.”

“I don’t trust that giant prick. His eyebrows are suspicious.” Kenny put his fingers over his brow, imitating Erwin’s. “There’s no way they grow like that, but why the fuck would any sane man choose to groom them that way? He’s got to be a pedophile.”

“I’m 18, asshole.”

“Yeah, but you look like you’re 10.”

“I do fucking not.”

“I don’t see any hair on your chin,” Kenny said, stroking his own beard. “Or any on your chest either, you sleek little eel.”

“You wanna see my dick, motherfucker?” Levi sat up on his knees with his hands on the waistband of his pants.

“I might be a funny man, but I’m not a funny uncle,” Kenny roared.

“Fuck you,” Levi said because pulling his pants down might be a power move, but he didn’t want to traumatize the other students sitting quietly behind them. Well, they probably already were, but he didn’t want to add visuals to their discomfort. “You told me that you can’t teach me to strike, but Erwin can. One lesson with him and I started to get something. How to draw back and get power from more than just my arm.”

“Oh, so you think you’re ready to start giving instead of just taking damage, eh?” Kenny huffed. “I could have taught you, but you’re too damn impatient.”

“You’ve been teaching me since you took me in.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Kenny said, crossing his arms.

“It’s been 12 years,” Levi bit back. 

What the fuck was Kenny’s deal? Levi understood why Kenny had shielded him from Erwin when he was a cop, but that logic didn’t work now that Erwin was a sensei and nothing more. Why would Kenny care that Levi was learning from someone else? Unless…

“Kenny,” Levi asked a bit skeptically, “are you jealous?”

“Am I—what?” Kenny tripped a bit over his pant leg.

Levi smirked. “You are. Holy shit. Is it because he’s teaching me karate or because I’ve got another old man in my life now?”

Levi might have felt bad for making Kenny blush in front of all his other students, but his knees were aching from kneeling so long. For their part, the students kept their heads down, not looking to catch even a whiff of Kenny’s wrath.

“You little shit,” Kenny finally got out. He pointed at the ground. “100 pushups. Now.”

Levi continued to smirk as he got on his hands and toes. 

One of the other students raised his hand. “Sir, can we go? It’s 15 minutes after the end of class.”

“300 pushups,” Kenny barked.

“Fuck, what did I do now?” Levi panted, not even a quarter of the way through his original 100.

“No, everyone has to contribute to a sum of 300 pushups before they can leave.” Kenny stomped off the mats, muttering under his breath about his tiny, thoughtless, hairless nephew. At the doorway he barked, “And whoever contributes the least has to do 50 extra.”

Levi was more comfortable doing a couple hundred pushups than he was calming Eren down. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. He held Eren because Levi had wanted to be held after meeting with Kuchel for the first time. He rubbed the back of Eren’s neck because that soothed him. He told him to let it out because that’s what Eren had once said to him. Levi didn’t like petnames, well none that didn’t involve some combination of brat, bastard, or stupid, but (and he would never admit to it) when Kuchel had called him baby, his muscles relaxed. Levi’s legs were cussing hard from kneeling as he held Eren, but he didn’t dare move because something or some combination of whatever he was doing seemed to calming Eren down.

Levi bottled his emotions up too, but he usually released them through physical activity. The only other time he could think of having been as breathless and bent over as Eren was one day under a blistering sun Kenny made him run the neighbourhood. He hadn’t had much to drink and had barely gotten three hours of sleep. The world had swum as he panted with his hands on his knees. Kenny had dumped a bucket of icy cold water over him and he suddenly found the air to cuss him out. Levi didn’t think the bucket method was appropriate for Eren’s case though.

After a couple more minutes of praying to gods that probably would bowl with his head when he finally kicked it, Eren drew in a deeper breath and spoke. “How long have we been down here?”

“It doesn’t matter. Furlan’s been making excuses for us.” Levi knew they had been away for about half an hour because he saw the time on his phone when he texted Furlan, asking him to give him and Eren a moment.

“What kind of excuses?” Eren sounded emotionally muted, like a telemarketer who hadn’t had a promotion since the gods invented telemarketing.

“Probably that I’m sucking your dick.”

Eren sniffled a laugh. “But you don’t like semen.”

“Furlan nearly had an aneurysm when discussing me bringing men home. I think his brain would bust through his skull if I discussed what I actually did with them.”

Eren pulled his head away. He blinked a couple times and then his eyes went wide. “Shit, your shirt. I slobbered all over it. I’m...”

Levi lightly put his fingers over Eren’s lips and shook his head. Eren seemed to get the message. Surprisingly, Levi wasn’t as grossed out as he thought he would be with wearing someone else’s tears and snot. It was unpleasant, but he had been covered in worse. Plus it was different than some random asshole going all Carrie on him. Eren was  _ his _ asshole. Still, when Eren tried burying his face back where it had been, Levi pushed his head to his fresher shoulder. If hamsters were particular enough not to shit where they slept, then Eren could rest his face someone cleaner.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Levi asked, still stroking the back of Eren’s head.

“When you told me I should know how it feels to love myself, I don’t know. Something just overwhelmed me.” Eren let out a slow breath. Levi could feel the foggy heat through his shirt. “I guess those words just unlocked something, like how a vampire has to be invited in.”

“If my dumbass words fucked you up—”

This time Eren was the one shaking his head. “I think...it was what I needed to hear.”

Eren pulled away to rub at his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. His cheeks looked sunburnt from his salty tears.

Levi said, “Hey.”

Eren paused. “Hey?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Also, Furlan says Kenny’s here.”

Eren straightened up. “I guess that means we should rejoin the party.”

Levi gave him a withering look. “I had the exact opposite thought.”

Eren chuckled and his emotions seemed to slide further out of the greyscale and back into some livelier tones. “We need to stop having emotional breakdowns before parties.”

“Yeah, and there’s no amount of silent discos that can stop Kenny from being himself.” Levi swivelled off his heels to sit down next to Eren. If he stood now, his legs would shake. He took his shirt off because the cooler the wet patch on it grew, the more uncomfortable he felt. He wrapped himself up with Eren in the comforter. “I’m not done being selfish. Let’s take our time getting back up there. And when we do go back, I’ll tell Kenny I love him for your amusement.”

“For my amusement?”

“You think Furlan and Isabel acted oddly, wait until you hear the man that eats toxic masculinity for breakfast with a shot of whiskey for dessert.” Levi did his best Kenny impression which was actually quite accurate. “‘You little ass weasel, saying that airy fairy bullshit. You want a blowjob for Christmas, then write a letter to Santa Claus like all the other good little boys. I wiped your ass long past your diaper days, I ain’t fucking kissing it now.’”

Eren sighed. “Yeah, that would be as funny as it is morally infuriating.”

***

After a quick washup and wardrobe change, Eren and Levi rejoined the party. Eren was surprised how well everyone was getting on and felt a little less guilty about leaving them to their own awkward and unique devices. Actually, the only one who reacted to their arrival was Furlan. He was passing by the stairwell with drinks in hand when he spotted them coming up. Eren didn’t know what kind of face Levi made or what Furlan’s quiet nod meant, but Eren recognized the shorthand communication of best friends. He also recognized Armin’s stare in his direction. His friend’s stare seemed innocuous enough, but Eren knew behind those blue eyes and boyish looks lurked a mind that could give Sherlock Holmes the sweats in a 3D chess match. Eren tried to look natural or really anything other than like he’d spent the last half hour cathartically sobbing into his boyfriend’s shirt. Armin didn’t react as he accepted a drink from Furlan. He did discreetly point at Mikasa though. She was standing with Isabel who was drunkenly nattering about all the types of animals she had fed, but Mikasa’s eyes were locked on Kenny who was lounging on the couch, downing a shot of something. Right. Kenny was a retired fighter and Mikasa was a huge fan. He would introduce her once he readjusted to the mood of the room.

“I’ll get us a drink,” Levi said to him. “Gods knows I need one to deal with Kenny.”

Levi made it to the island before Kenny spotted him. “Levi, where the hell have you been?”

“I’m getting me and Eren drinks first and then I’ll talk with you.”

“Eren, eh?” Kenny’s eyes swivelled around to him. “Well, that explains what you’ve been up to.”

“Kenny.” Levi glared as he pulled a couple bottles of beer from the fridge.

Kenny pushed himself off the couch and slouched over to the island. “Grab one out for me too.”

Levi narrowed his eyes, but did as instructed. He slid it viciously towards his uncle, who caught it like it was blown to him on good intentions and well wishes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eren saw someone sidle up to him while he watched Kenny use the island’s edge to pop the top off and Levi chew him out for misusing furniture. Eren steeled himself to deal with Mikasa’s fanatics.

“Hello, Eren.”

Eren jumped. He had expected Mikasa to pop out of the shadows and ask for an introduction, but he hadn’t expected her to sound like a massive, deep-voiced man. Eren turned around. “Sensei Smith?”

Erwin was there, for once not wearing his gi, but slacks and a sweater. He was holding a red solo cup that Isabel had written his name on, with a festive star dotting the ‘i’.

“I think Erwin sounds a bit more natural.” Either Eren’s confusion was scrawled on his face or Erwin, as per usual, was mysteriously uncanny when it came to just knowing things. “Kenny showed up at my door and wouldn’t get off the horn until I agreed to come out with him. I suspected he was a bit lonely, so I agreed to tag along. That and I didn’t want my neighbours’ Christmas dinner ruined. How are you?”

The way he asked the question made it sound like he was asking if Eren was alright.  _ How does he just  _ know  _ things? _ “Yeah, I’m good. It’s just odd to see you out of uniform.”

Erwin smiled as he sipped his drink. “That feeling is mutual. Although, I suspect there will be another change in the dress code shortly.”

Eren was about to ask whether Isabel had given him some of her gingerbread jungle juice when he heard what he thought must have been Satan ripping a hole in the floorboards. It was actually Kenny putting Levi in a choke as Levi ran through the dictionary of cuss words.

“Eren,” Kenny called, “come over here and help me embarrass my nephew.”

“No?” Eren did step closer, but knew that if Levi couldn’t break free on his own, then there was little Eren could do to get him out of whatever this was.

Kenny looked around the room for someone who looked strong enough and crazy enough to put hands on Levi. “Hey, girlie.”

_ Oh no _ . Mikasa looked like Sina herself had invited her to Christmas dinner in heaven. She started over. Eren said loudly, “Mikasa, no.”

She paused, looking so conflicted. On one hand her best friend was telling her one thing. On the other, her idol,  _ nay _ , spirit animal was telling her to help wrestle Levi into submission. 

A Christmas miracle arrived in the form of Erwin. “Why don’t we use our words instead of our brawn?”

“You’ve never been to an Ackerman family event have you?” Kenny asked, but he did let his nephew go. Levi’s face was red, Eren guessed mainly from Yuletide rage and not a lack of oxygen.

“Fucking shit, Kenny. This is one of the few goddamn days where it’s really shitty of you to be a motherfucking prick.  _ Shit _ .” Levi smoothed his shirt down. “You wrinkled my fucking collar.”

Kenny laughed cheekily. “Sorry, kiddo. I couldn’t think of a way to get you to accept your Christmas present otherwise.”

Eren helped smooth down Levi’s collar. Levi said, “Assault isn’t a gift. And since when do we do gifts?”

Kenny wandered over to the living room to pull out two packages wrapped in newspaper from behind the couch and gave them to Eren and Levi.

Eren started. “Me too?”

“Yeah, well, I don’t doubt your parents spoiled this one more rotten than he already is,” Kenny said, jabbing a thumb in Levi’s direction.

Eren and Levi shared a look. A gift from Kenny felt like the school bully asking them if they wanted a piece of gum and getting their fingers snapped in a mini mousetrap. But everyone was staring and only half the guests knew what an ass Kenny could be. They opened them.

Eren felt like laughing and crying except his emotional gas tank was running on fumes.

“Furlan gave me the idea,” Kenny said.

“No. No,” Furlan said, backing away with his hands up. “I said they specifically did not want ugly sweaters.”

Eren snuck a peek at Levi. The corners of his lips were curling. Eren knew they had one precious rule left unbroken. But looking at the maelstrom of colours that could only be conjured by pumping an elf full of candy canes and brandy nog, and then forcing him to regurgitate all that Christmas malarkey to tie dye this beautiful monstrosity...Eren was considering breaking it. Levi looked over at him and, despite not having quite the history that Furlan and Levi had, Eren read the tilt of his brow easily.  _ If you want to, I will too _ . Eren shrugged his sweater on and Levi, with gritted teeth, followed suit. Isabel was there immediately with her phone, snapping pictures. Armin too, though he was much more subtle about it.

When the novelty wore off, Eren, Levi, and Furlan were left hanging around the couch with Kenny and Erwin.

“Looking good, kiddos,” Kenny winked.

Levi stared murder as he twisted open his beer bottle.

“Thank you, Kenny,” Eren said with enough gusto for the both of them.

Kenny waved him off. “How is your family doing, Eren?”

“Well, we’re piecing it together.” Eren rubbed the back of his head.

Erwin said, “Have you heard of kintsugi? It’s a type of repair done to fractured ceramics where the pieces are glued back together with lacquer mixed with gold flakes. I like to think it’s done to notice and appreciate the breaks, at once revealing past trauma and present healing.”

Eren stared.  _ How the fuck did Erwin just know things about their lives?? _

“Hear that, Levi? We could have fixed your sippy cuppy all fancy like when the handle broke.” Kenny teased. “”Maybe then you wouldn’t hold your mugs so damn weird.”

“Why are you ragging on me so much tonight, old man?” Levi asked.

Kenny shrugged. “Dunno. I guess you’re growing up and out growing me. Wistful, I suppose.”

“Kenny,” Levi softly said, “you can’t outgrow a tumour.”

Furlan started to laugh, but a sharp look from Kenny had him playing it off as a cough.

“But things have changed. Are changing, for the better.” Levi said this as he turned to Eren.

Affection coursed through Eren, faster than any shot of alcohol or embarrassment ever could. Eren chastely pecked Levi and was treated to Erwin staring with mild shock.

“What?” Kenny barked. “You got a problem with two guys tonguing it out?”

Furlan blushed at the floor and Levi seethed, “There was no tongue, asshole.”

“No, I just didn’t know they were an item,” Erwin said. “I thought you two were just good friends.”

Eren was relieved and not because his rather large karate-master sensei wasn’t a homophobe. Eren had started to think Erwin might be a god with the amount of oddly on point things he said. But if he couldn’t at least tell that for about a year now Levi and Eren had been screwing and banging harder and faster than the elves working on toys in Santa’s workshop on Christmas Eve, then he must be mortal.

“Yeah, you would think that if you didn’t know my nephew’s a bit of a skank,” Kenny said.

Levi gagged and spurted beer out his nose and down the front of him. Furlan laughed heartily as he clapped Levi’s back to help him get his breath back.

Kenny grinned.“What you thought the ugly sweaters were going to be your only comeuppance? I did promise to get you back when you had your first girlfriend.”

“I fucking knew this shit was revenge over that cougar. Fucking hypocrite,” Levi wheezed.

Eren grabbed paper towel and helped mop Levi up. He said over his shoulder, “Slut shaming is a shame to society and gendering one man in a homosexual relationship as the woman is—”

“Yeah, yeah, kiddo. I’m just taking the piss out of you both. It’s Fuckmas—I mean fucking Christ—no actually, after the year it’s been, Fuckmas sounds right.”

“Kenny,” Levi said heatedly, “I’ve got one fucking thing to say to you.”

Kenny downed the rest of his beer and slammed the bottle on the coffee table. “Oh yeah, you little shit? Lay it on me.”

Eren tensed. He was fairly certain he knew what was coming, but he hadn’t expected Levi to say it with the entire room watching.

“Kenny,” Levi snarled, “I love you.”

It was Furlan’s turn to choke. From the kitchen, Isabel cackled while Mikasa and Armin stared confusedly at the scene. Erwin didn’t react much, merely just sipped his drink. Eren was watching Kenny though. He leaned forward in his seat, the lines of his face stacking up. “What did you say?”

“I love you,” Levi said with even more ferocity, “and appreciate the shit out of you for raising me, you drunken, sad old man.”

Eren wasn’t sure who was quicker, Kenny lunging at Levi or Erwin putting a hand each on Eren and Furlan to keep them back. In some ways, Levi was right. Kenny was old and drunk and most likely sad, but he was still capable of taking Levi by surprise. He had his nephew wrapped up and kicking with his feet in the air, probably wondering where the ground had gone so suddenly. Levi struggled to get out of the bear hug, but it was hard to find purchase with Kenny’s head under his chin and his arms pinned. Levi stopped trying to jingle Kenny’s bells for a second Christmas when his uncle let out a great sob.

“You little shit,” Kenny said into Levi’s chest which had already caught enough tears as of late.

“Kenny, put me down,” Levi wheezed. He did as requested, but continued to hang his head on his nephew. Over his shoulder, Levi gave Eren a panicked look. Neither of them had anticipated this and if Levi didn’t feel too badly about upsetting Kenny, Eren sure as reindeer shit did. Eren motioned for Levi to hug his uncle back and pat his shoulder. He did and Kenny relaxed further into him. 

Erwin drank down his drink and wandered over to where Isabel was still laughing in the kitchen. He said to her, “I heard you had made something called ‘jungle juice’. Would you mind giving me a demonstration of how to imbibe it and perhaps a brief history on how it came to be?”

If Erwin had been looking his way, Eren would have bowed with respect. He was braver and kinder than all of them put together.

Furlan kicked awkwardly at the floor while his best friend hugged it out with his uncle in the living room.

“”Kenny,” Levi said, “what the fuck is going on?”

“Nothing. I’m just drunk,” Kenny said thickly.

“Bullshit. I’ve seen you drink a bottle of whiskey in one night and still kick my ass on the mat.” Levi gave him a heartier pat. “What is it? Is something up with Kuchel?”

“Nah, it’s just I know I couldn’t give you much growing up and that I’m about as soft as that metal rod up Erwin’s ass.”

“Erwin’s ass is about to get drunk off of Isabel’s disaster punch to keep her from interrupting. Be nicer.”

Kenny sniffled. “Right, Fuckmas, and all that. It’s just, I am happy for you, kiddo. Fucking ecstatic that you’re finally spreading your wings, catching bigger worms...visiting other nests.”

Eren and Levi shared a look. Eren didn’t know it was possible for him to feel more like an ass than he already did. In all their Christmas planning, they hadn’t thought to consult Kenny.

Kenny pulled away from his nephew who was stiff and wearing enough festive decor that he could be confused for a very short Christmas tree. 

He wiped at his eyes. “I don’t hold any hate in my heart for you going off to do your own thing. Especially when it’s with a family far more functional than our own.”

Eren gritted his teeth at that statement.  _ If only, Kenny _ .

“I’m sorry—” Levi began saying, but Kenny wouldn’t hear it.

“Nothing to be sorry about, kiddo. Our Christmas’ weren’t anything special.”

“That’s not true,” Furlan said and immediately blushed when everyone stared. He added, “Well, I was there for some of them. It was pretty memorable when you came into our bedroom,” Furlan pointed between himself and Levi, “banging pots and pans together at 5:00 am and let us have cake and boozy hot chocolate for breakfast.”

“Ah, shit. You had a tough go of it too, Furlan,” Kenny said, blushing himself. “I figured your first Christmas living with the Ackerman’s ought to be something special.”

“Yeah, but why did it have to be 5:00 am?” Levi asked.

“Eh. I think I thought I somehow slept through the day and thought it was the evening.”

Kenny proved he could pull off another feat of speed by grabbing Furlan’s arm and pulling him in for a hug before he had time to protest.

“You’ve been good to my nephew. Kept him in check and good company. Your father would be proud.”

Eren wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but now Furlan was burying his face in Kenny’s chest. While Kenny was distracted, Levi nodded Eren over. Eren slipped his hand into Levi’s and asked, “Is everything, well, I guess it’s not okay, but are they,” Eren pointed at Kenny and Furlan, “going to be alright?”

“Probably,” Levi said. “Kenny’s more fragile in his old age and Furlan doesn’t have much family either. His dad passed away around this time when he was 14.”

Eren looked at Levi holding his hand. “Maybe…”

Levi looked up at him.

“Maybe next year we should invite everyone to my parents’ for Christmas.”

Levi laughed. “You really think bringing them,” Levi pointed at Kenny whispering a slurred pep talk in Furlan’s ear, “and all of that,” Levi pointed at Isabel who was kneeling on a chair to tip a solo cup of questionable liquid into Ewrin’s mouth while Armin took pictures and Mikasa looked on in excitement, “to your parents' Christmas-card-pretty home?”

Eren nodded. “Yes.”

Levi raised a brow and then his bottle. “Fucking eh, then.” 

Furlan and Kenny broke apart and began awkwardly talking about the weather and MMA. Mikasa wandered over and stood silently by Eren, who sighed and asked, “Do you want me to introduce you to Kenny the Ripper?”

“Yes, please.”

Eren walked Mikasa over. “Hey Kenny, I want you to meet my—”

Kenny pulled Eren in by the neck for a hug too. “You...I don’t know how you did it, worming into my nephew’s cold, infested, little heart, but you fucking did it, kiddo.”

“Mainly just communication.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Levi stopped me from having some communication one Christmas. You remember that, Erwin?” Kenny called over.

Erwin was sat at the island, looking like The Thinker, but probably just trying to find a way to get the jungle of flavours out of his mouth. He gave Kenny a thumbs up at the very least. “Shit. Isabel got him good.”

Eren gently peeled Kenny’s arm off of his shoulders and tried again. “Kenny, this is my friend, Mikasa Ackerman. She’s a fan—”

“Ackerman? To think you’d be so blessed as to know four of us.” Kenny reached a hand out for her to shake. As she had when she first met Levi, she and Kenny gripped each other’s hands hard, like they were trying to crack nuts. “You’re definitely an Ackerman. You a fighter?”

“Not professionally,” Mikasa said, eagerly, “but I once punched Zeke the Beast out in one go behind a bar.”

Kenny blinked rapidly, “You did? You’ve got better striking game than my nephew.”

Levi flipped Kenny off.

Kenny asked, “Are you sure you don’t want a career in fighting?”

Mikasa hid behind her hair a bit. “I’m not well rounded. I can’t grapple.”

“You’re not bad,” Levi said, stepping closer, but still far enough away from Kenny’s long arms. Levi explained, “We grappled a bit before. She’s got the academic work put in, but hasn’t practiced.”

“If that’s the case, I’ll take ya.” Kenny squeezed an arm around her shoulders and Eren thought she might explode from literally being taken under the wing of a personal hero. Kenny pointed at Levi. “See? Not such a sad, lonely old man after all, eh? I can find new brats to train.”

“Congratulations, Kenny,” Levi said flatly.

“And what about you?” Kenny called over to Armin.

Armin paused in his taking a picture of Isabel striking a pose next to Erwin. He shook his head. “No, thank you.”

“Eh. Can’t win ‘em all. Erwin? You gonna make it?” Kenny trotted over to him.

“It just has quite the kick,” Erwin thumped his chest. He raised his head and his eyes were streaming. “What was in there that makes it so potent?”

“Probably the ginger,” Isabel said.

“How much did you use?” Furlan asked, giving it a sniff and snorting.

Isabel thought. “One.”

“One what?”

“One ginger.”

“One…” Furlan looked from the punch to Isabel. “You mean one piece?”

She shook her head. “No, just one bag.”

Furlan nodded and silently grabbed a cup of water for Erwin while Kenny heartily thumped his back.

***

Much of the rest of the party was a blur. Eren remembered Kenny gave Mikasa a few quick pointers and convinced Levi and Mikasa to grapple it out in the basement. Levi would have come out the victor if Kenny hadn’t coached Mikasa into using an illegal wet willy. Levi got vicarious revenge when some combination of alcohol and Kenny’s mouth convinced Erwin to pit himself against the Ripper. Kenny, despite having more grappling experience and less jungle juice, could do little with a lot of Erwin sitting on his chest. 

Some time after, Isabel brought out cupcakes which everyone was skeptical to taste until Furlan raised his hand and said he baked them, she just decorated. Kenny pushed his luck in trying to dress his nephew by attempting to put a birthday hat on him. It did not go well. Kenny and Levi had an impromptu tie-breaking match in the living room until Erwin and Furlan pulled them apart, much to Mikasa and Isabel’s disappointment.

Eren kept sticking his hand in his pocket to run a thumb over the embroidery on the bit of belt and smiling to himself. Kenny thought he was rubbing something else entirely, but Eren was spared that particular embarrassment by Levi shoving a cupcake, wrapper and all, into his uncle’s mouth. Everyone was impressed and concerned when Kenny spit neither cake nor paper out. 

Armin captured every heartfelt, awkward, and messy moment of the evening and shared the album under the title  _ Found Family Fuckmas _ . The one moment he didn’t capture happened to be the one Eren remembered the most vividly anyway. It was when the party ended and they were leaving Levi’s for the night. Kenny had his arm around Erwin’s waist as he sang a raunchy version of  _ Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer _ on their way to their cab. Mikasa had gone to warm up the car and Armin had already gotten in the front seat to sit with his head against the glass and ear buds in his ears, probably not listening to lyrics about naughty reindeer. 

Eren and Levi had stood by the door to the house, their breath billowing in the cold air of the early hours of the next day. Levi was looking up at him from the foot of the stoop. Eren took the key out of his pocket, Freduardo and the belt bit dancing around a bit. For a couple seconds after he heard the  _ click _ of the lock, Eren stood in the subtle glow of the light bleeding out of the house. Even he couldn’t say what he was thinking or feeling. They had done, talked about, and felt a lot of things today. Eren couldn’t think of anything to say to sum it all up. 

Levi patted the small of Eren’s back to rouse him. It was late, Levi’s internal thermostat was probably fucked from going from a crowded house to empty winter drive, and bed seemed like the only place to be. Eren took Levi’s hand and walked down the drive. Perhaps he didn’t need to say anything, but he felt he wanted to. He wanted to find a way to say he felt safe and loved, welcome and cherished, happy and appreciated. But how could he do that without sounding cheesy?  _ Fuck it, I’ll just pour my heart out once again _ . Eren stopped abruptly, but he gave no warning to Levi. The net result was Levi slipped, Eren panicked, and they both went down. Erwin turned at the noise and asked if they were alright.

“Hey idiot.” Levi leaned over him. “Did you hit your head? Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think I’m okay.” Eren rubbed the back of his head. Maybe he was a bit addled or wanted one more laugh because he said, “Who are you though?”

“What?” The naked panic on Levi’s face was enough to make Eren backpedal faster than Santa’s sleigh the night before.

“It was a joke. My head’s fine. Levi, I’m—”

Eren got a fistful of snow in his face.

“Shitty brat, scaring the everloving—”

Eren returned the snow with interest. Levi slowly wiped down his face. “You better hope your legs weren’t hurt in the fall because you’re going to need them—”

Eren threw another tactical dusting before tearing across the front yard and stopping long enough to grab more snow. Eren might have had a cheater’s head start at making snowballs, but Levi was more agile and the smaller target. Levi had pelted him thrice before Eren even got him once, and by then Kenny had wrangled himself back out of the cab to join the fray, leaving Erwin to politely beg the driver to wait while they quickly sorted something out. Mikasa popped back out of the car to snipe Levi from behind, but Armin was content to stay put, filming the last dregs of Christmas stupidity.

Even if the cab driver hadn’t honked the horn or Erwin hadn’t gotten his arms around Kenny or Furlan hadn’t yelled at him from the doorway to get the fuck off the lawn, the fight wouldn’t have lasted long. Half of them were emotionally exhausted and all of them tired. Eren used the last burst of his energy to take Levi down on purpose this time in the soft snow banks. Levi had his last snowball in hand and was poised to shove it in Eren’s ear until Eren kissed him. Levi still smashed the snowball over the top of Eren’s head, mixing it into his hair as they amicably worked out a ceasefire.

“Okay,” Levi said, pushing Eren back. “I get it. Can we sort this out in your bed, for gods’ sake? Furlan will have a fit if we leave sexy snow angels on the front lawn.”

“Sounds good to me.” Eren stood and pulled Levi to his feet.

“Shit. It’s going to look like I pissed my pants.” Levi wiped himself down before getting in the car. He wrinkled his nose. “Fuck, it’s going to  _ feel _ like I pissed my pants.”

Eren thought about apologizing, but what had Levi said? Be selfish. Eren compromised by putting an arm around Levi and next thing either of them knew, Mikasa was telling them to wake up. That they were back at the Jaegers’.

They barely had the energy to strip and flop into bed let alone do anything else. Eren did feel a bit bad when he felt Levi shivering, but some of his sympathy died when Levi put his freezing feet on Eren’s thighs. Eren yelped, called Levi an ass, shared a laugh, pulled Levi’s body close, and said goodnight to their first Christmas and/or Fuckmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and hopefully laughing. If you have the time/feel comfortable leaving your thoughts in the form of a comment, I would love that. I hope you find time to celebrate, relax, and/or get what you need most as one rager of a year comes to an end and a new, likely battle heavy year begins. Be well, be kind, and be kind to yourself. Misery is temporary and life a mystery.
> 
> A final gift (?) that may or may not be a double-edged sword. You may have noticed this not-oneshot holiday special does not follow the naming convention of the other two fics (i.e., Fist Comes Love, Then Comes Damage, Then Comes Blankity Blank in a Blankity Blank). I do have some ideas for a third and final part for the series, but nothing written down. I’m not certain if/when I will get around to actually writing it. And it’s def not you (user engagement), it’s me if I don’t get to it. I’ve been locked down for most of the year and writing fanfiction has been a cathartic distraction. I don’t know what 2021 holds, but it might mean a return to some things I was missing, which means less writing time. But I would feel like poop’s poop if I didn’t offer you the choice to know how I think the series would end. If you choose to know, the ideas I have currently are as follows (FYI, if there’s something you want to see/know, I’m open to suggestions/criticisms):  
> -The main drama would centre around Levi going for the title in his weight class in the UFC.  
> -We would see Eren graduate and become a paramedic, which probably results in some drama either related to him witnessing some hard stuff on the job/some hard stuff happening to him on the job.  
> -Levi and Eren would get their own place together and generally be a happy couple, except when some stressors surrounding MMA/UFC/Eren’s career come into play.  
> -The main issues/stressors would be homophobia within the world of MMA/UFC, which would likely trip Levi up on his journey to the title fight, and damage occurs either from fighting in the octagon or cutting weight to get a fight when options are limited (seriously, weight cutting is one of the things that concerns me the most about the UFC in the real world. In the most extreme cases, fighters might have to cut more than 20 lbs/9 kg in the span of a couple days...that’s gotta be so hard on the body and then you’re expected to fight the day after weighing in).  
> -Levi would get a new manager/coach and, when the homophobia shit hits the fan, they would probably mismanage him, such as booking/contracting fights he shouldn’t be taking. Kenny would probably make a return in the most Kenny of ways as Levi’s coach/manager.  
> -We would learn more about Isabel probably and Furlan for sure. Furlan’s mother walked out of his life shortly after he was born and during his preteen years, his father fell ill with cancer. Furlan took care of his father between the approximate ages of 11-14 when he passed away and he went to live with Kenny and Levi after the funeral. Since he spent time being a caretaker at a young age, that’s why he’s the voice of reason in his friend group and in part why he and Levi graduated high school later than expected (Furlan gets held back and Levi quits high school to work, but also so Furlan isn’t left behind) <3  
> -Zeke would get something like a redemption arc, but not exactly. I think he’ll always be a bit of a bastard, but he’ll net neutral for evil and good doings next time around. Eren will likely officially forgive him.  
> -Some other pairings might occur, such as Annie/Armin, Furlan/Isabel, Reiner/Bertholdt, Kuchel/Erwin (I know it seems odd, but I feel for Kuchel in this AU and Erwin as written in this universe would be sweet to her and vice versa; they probably meet after the holiday special where Kenny cons the cab driver into taking him to the diner Kuchel is working at because he wants to see the rest of his family. Kuchel probably over salts Erwin’s food when Kenny introduces him as the cop that busted her son, but quickly regrets her decision when Kenny says he also trained Levi for free, and things grow from there).  
> -Ymir and Historia might get married, prompting Levi and Eren to discuss how they feel about marriage (pretty sure Levi doesn’t give a shit and Eren is on the fence about what marriage means, but also gushes over the thought of that kind of commitment to Levi).  
> -Eren and Levi would probably adopt a cat :) I don’t know what the name would be, but probably an inside joke.
> 
> P.S.: If you’re bored of the standard Christmas music/want a laugh, the song The Season’s Upon Us by the Dropkick Murphys would do you well (probs Kenny approved). If you also have hilarious Christmas songs, let me know :) Keep on keepin’ on!


End file.
